As
the holiday season passes, the sweet scent of matrimony flows in the
air. When it’s all over, hundreds of Muslims will have said "Aku terima
nikah" or "Aku terima nikahnya".
Every time I picture a marriage
ceremony, I think of fancily dressed people holed up in a fancy banquet
hall, listening to a speaker as he rambles on, and on, and on, as the
catering personnel run around to get the food ready.
While there’s nothing terribly wrong with any of the above, is it really needed?
In Islam, the institution of marriage is a sacred one, yet a simple one.
It is sacred because it is an act of worship (ibadah) and it’s simple
because our role model, Rasulullaah (Salallaahu Alayhi Wasallam), always
kept it simple.
Marriage is a major step in one’s life. It’s a
matter of great responsibility that should by no mean be taken lightly.
However, it shouldn’t be complicated to the point if one doesn’t have
enough cash to hold an elaborate ceremony with hundreds of guests, one
can’t get married.
Quite simply, a marriage in Islam is
solemnized by a nikah (marriage contract) and a walimah (marriage feast)
that follows once the marriage has been consummated.
The nikah
constitutes of a proposal from one party (ijab) and acceptance from
another (qabul) in the presence of witnesses. The walimah is simply a
lunch or dinner to celebrate the marriage, since marriage is, after all,
a joyous occasion.
The nikah can be held at the local masjid or
at home, while the walimah can be anywhere: one’s apartment, backyard,
or basement, the local masjid, a park, a restaurant, a community center,
or anywhere else.
As well, on the occasions of nikah and walimah, long speeches and an elaborate program are not required. Remember, simple is beautiful!
Nowadays, we seem to have been so caught up in rituals and adat
(customs) that we tend to waste enormous amounts of money and time on
things that simply aren’t needed. Nikah and walimah are both sunnahs
(traditions) of Rasulullaah (Salallaahu Alayhi Wasallam), so doesn’t it
make sense to try to commemorate these occasions in the same fashion as
he did?
Anas (RA) describes one of the walimahs hosted by Rasulullaah (Salallaahu Alayhi Wasallam):
“Rasulullaah
(Salallaahu Alayhi Wasallam) stayed for three days at a place between
Khaibar and Medina, and there he consummated his marriage with Safiyya
bint Huyay (RA). I invited the Muslims to a banquet which included
neither meat nor bread. Rasulullaah (Salallaahu Alayhi Wasallam) ordered
for the leather dining sheets to be spread, and then dates, dried
yogurt and butter were provided over it, and that was the Walimah
(banquet) of Rasulullaah (Salallaahu Alayhi Wasallam).” (Al Bukhari)
In another report, Anas (RA) says that “Rasulullaah
(Salallaahu Alayhi Wasallam) gave a wedding banquet with Hais (a sort
of sweet dish made from butter, cheese and dates).” (Al Bukhari)
There is nothing wrong with having an elaborate ceremony in a fancy
banquet hall and full-course meal prepared by a caterer, but the fact of
the matter is that neither of these are requirements for a successful
marriage ceremony. If one wishes to hold the ceremony in a banquet hall
with a full-course meal, that’s perfectly fine, but it shouldn’t be
taken as a requirement.
I’m sure many of us loan large sums of
money just so we can host fancy receptions for our weddings. Or even if
we spend extravagant amounts of our own money, it’s sad because there
are so many better uses for our hard-earned money. After all, the amount
of money spent on the ceremony has no positive effect on the life of
the couple.
The Prophet (SAW) is reported to have said:
“The
marriage which is most greatly blessed is the one which is the lightest
in burden [expense]. However, if people are well catered for, without
extravagance and show, there is no problem with that either.” (Al Bayhaqi)
For sure, marriage an occasion to celebrate, but why waste enormous
amounts of money on a celebration? It’s definitely not how our beloved
Rasulullaah (Salallaahu Alayhi Wasallam) celebrated. In fact, wasting
Allaah’s bounties is something Allaah has warned us against:
“But waste not by excess: for Allaah loves not the wasters.” (Al An'am 6:141)
It can be difficult to swim against the tide of fancy and extravagant
marriages, but surely, it’s worth swimming against the tides that go
against Allaah’s command and the example set by Rasulullaah (Salallaahu
Alayhi Wasallam).
Let’s save all that money and keep it for
better uses. That money is sure to be in demand once the honeymoon is
over and the actual daily routine sets in.
If we do that with
the right intention, we’ll end up saving money and at the same time,
we’ll be adding to our good-deed account as well.
After all, who
can’t use some extra cash, some extra good deeds, and a greatly blessed
marriage (since the most greatly blessed marriage is the one that
lightest in expense)?
Getting married is one of the great Sunnahs of Rasulullaah (SAW). However, it is not just a sunnah itself, but also that it opens up the door to many others as well. There are many other sunan which only married people can act on, and which single people are deprived of. Below are just a few of them. May Allaah Subahanu Wa ta’ala grant all married people, by virtue of acting on these things, a blissful, loving and lasting relationship; and may He make it easy for all of us singletons to get married, so that we can implement them as well.
1) Greet her.
2) Convey salams to her from others.
3) Smile at her.
4) Make dua for her.
5) Honour her friends, even after her death. Send them food from a sacrifice.
6) Eat from the same plate.
7) Drink from the same place where she places her mouth, and eat from the same place where she places her mouth.
8 ) Put a morsel of food in her mouth.
9) Let her comb your hair.
10) Recite Qur’an, while resting your head in her lap.
11) Take a ghusl with her from a single container.
12) Teach and advise her in a gentle manner.
13) Go racing with her and let her win. Later, when she puts on weight, race with her again and beat her.
14) Call her by an endearing nickname.
15) Wipe away her tears.
16) Heed her advice.
17) Take her with you on long journeys. If you have more than one wife, let them cast lots to decide who gets to go.
18) Spend time with her in entertainment, and stay with her until she is satisfied.
19) Let her spend time with her friends.
20) Give her time to adorn herself before going to her for intimacy.
21) Do not go to her in the manner of animals.
22) Make this dua before being intimate with her:
Bismillah. Allaahumma jannibnash shaitaan, wa jannibish shaitaana maa razaqtanaa.
23) Wake her up to make salaah at night. If she doesn’t get up, sprinkle water on her face. Specifically on the wedding night.
In sha Allah ♥
May Allaah grant us the true understanding, insha Allaah.
