There is a deep-seated concern about the tragic plight of our Muslims and their vile social habits displayed to their "close supposedly loved ones"
Why does she stay in the situation?
The violence/abuse cycle continues. A build up of anger from the husband…she treads on eggshells not to upset him … tension mounts. And over a small issue…and the storm erupts- Anger, violence, beating, abuse – screams, shouts, blood, weeping and children terrified, hearts broken, palpitating with fear…. The storm subsides ….the honeymoon period of apologies, chocolates, flowers, pleas of forgiveness or just a plateau of kindness.
The wife stays because of children? Shelter? Fear of rejection of families? Etc.
Our beloved Nabi (Sallallaahu Alayhi Wa Sallam), our great leader and guide, expressed such concern even in his last sermon. So MEN take heed.. Women are an Amanat…-Treat them with love, care and kindness and overlook their faults for perchance Allah Ta’ala may love something in them.
To the Women! The Oppressed! The Abused!
"Never despair in the mercy of Allah Ta’ala" Allah Himself gives women hope.
With sincere repentance from all sins, turn to our Beloved, Kind, Merciful, Loving Creator.
Make an effort to change in all aspects of life, from giving up sins, to correct dressing, from abstaining from watching haraam programmes, movies or music and other sinful habits.
Build your love and fear of Allah Ta’ala and confidence as a beautiful strong Muslim Woman.
Seek correct help and good counsel to resolve your problem.
Pray, Supplicate, raise your hands for Dua!
Allah lifts the Dua of the oppressed above the clouds and opens onto it the doors of Heaven, and Allah says: "I swear by My Honour, verily I shall assist you even though it may be after some time"
Supplicate with your precious tears for everything you desire (halaal) in a positive manner.
And Resign to the WILL OF ALLAH TA’ALA the Most Caring, Compassionate and Merciful.
(courtesy http://www.jamiat.org.za/aj/islam/hijab_niqaab.html)
Your options if suffering from violence
It most certainly hurts seeing another sister going through the pain of physical and verbal abuse and unhappiness. You sound as if your confidence and self-esteem is broken. From what you say is inflicted on you, is most certainly unacceptable in Islaam. In fact when Zulm (oppression) is inflicted on a person, your duas reach Allah Ta’ala above the heavens and your duas are surely answered even if not immediately.
However from the ayaats recited in the Nikah khutba (from the Quraan), strong warning is given to the believers to fear Allah and not to do things that would displease Him. Furthermore one of the ayaats instructs men "to treat the women with kindness" (exemplary character/good conduct).
However despite the instructions and warnings in the Quraan and Hadith, it is sad that man persists in disobedience to his Creator and harms the creation. May Allah forgive him and guide him.
Nevertheless, there are possible solutions.
Firstly assess your situation – have you thought of possible options to stop the abuse? Say no? Protect your self? All with the intention of firmly stopping – not fighting back neither submitting and allowing out of fear? Try but ensure that you are near on exit to allow easy escape and inform some reliable neighbour, friend or family. Alternately seek intervention of a sound balanced just family member from your side to speak to someone on his side to jointly put a stop to the abuse and to build love, care and family bonding between you both. Seek intervention of a caring, rightly guided Aalim.
At the same time build your confidence by pondering on your beauty and positive qualities Allah Ta’ala has bestowed you with. Beautify yourself, indulge and spoil yourself to uplift your moods eg. Be it a new look (within something that you wanted pleasing to you etc.).
Become strong and believe you are good, smart and beautiful. Insha-Allah your husband would take interest in this new positive attitude and outlook.
Should all attempts fail perhaps seek temporary separation - not divorce with the intention of some elderly family member or Aalim. Try resolving and discussing with your husband possible options and solutions during this separation, to resolving your disputes with commitment.
However if you still consider divorce, look at long-term outcomes and feasibility. Would you manage? What is the need to separate? Would you manage financially? How would you manage? What about effects of divorce on the children? Was there ever a time that your husband was good to you and never beat you up? Is there then a possibility that he could change? Is he having an affair? Does he suffer from an inferiority complex? Or has he had a disturbing past or unfortunate experience? Was he beaten up as a child or learnt this habit from his father or other family members? Is there a financial problem?
May Allah Ta’ala resolve your difficulties, grant you the great reward of Sabr that you have made and are making and grant you lifelong happiness in this world and the next. Ameen!!!
What can you do?
Majority of Muslim men beating their wives, take cover of Quranic verses mentioning beating women. By doing so, they commit a bigger wrong of interpreting Quran for their own sinful purposes. The whole purpose of such verses was to make sure Allah's orders are implemented, not played in hands of such violent men. It is a crime against humanity, and Allah's shariat allows a woman to take the revenge as permissible by the Islamic courts of law (shariat) and Islamic principles of criminal justice.
Further, Islam comes to help such oppressed women by offering them an option to get divorce via Khulaa. You should seek a help from a Muslim lawyer, scholar, Police or any law authority to seek justice in this regard. Those committing such a heinous crime in the name of Islam are simply doing nothing, but earning hell for themselves forever. They must be brought to justice on this earth and hereafter.
If there is any such problem and you don't find anyone to help you, get in touch with us through the contact detail at the end of this write up so that we can guide you to the right direction for solving this problem at our earliest. Our contact information is displayed on this website as well.
If you wish to help her in such a situation!
This is addressed to one who sees a woman being oppressed or a victim of such violence and he/she wishes to help her.
For a woman in an abusive cycle you would need extra patience and need to give her your utmost support. You won't understand her need to be in this vicious cycle for that is currently what her life of normality is. However in this time she would have lost herself confidence and self-esteem, asking herself 'What is wrong with me?'
Help her by talking positively about her beauty, her good characteristics, her achievements. HELP HER ENJOY NATURE, IT SEEMS THAT SHE MAY BE UNDERGOING DEPRESSION. GET HER OUT OF HER DARK CORNERS HER HOME/ ROOM TAKE HER TO ENJOY A MEAL. Encourage her with positive people who would laugh and smile, encourage her to some craftwork, quranic memorization,or home business. Help her to find alternatives to her present condition. Present to her the options if she lives with him will he change, is there a possibility will she have the capability to bear with patience sabr and make attempts to reconcile, or what of the option of separation? Will she be able to move on with her life? Allowing herself to develop emotionally and socially? Would she be able to maintain herself? Perchance she may be better off and more stable?
Pose the options and let her decide. You don't tell her what to do. In the interim advise her to obtain her legal documents, important items, monies, etc. left at her place, should she decide to go for a separation. Also to note since some husband is a drug addict or a criminal in nature, the possibility of him requiring large sums of monies is there, hence valuable items should also be removed.
Teach her skills on defending herself in an abusive situation if he does approach her. The honeymoon period after an abusive situation is what melts her heart to have the hope but the cycle continues. Assess her need for staying in the situation: Is it society, Not comfortable in parents home feeling like a dependant, Need to be loved and security and finance?
Encourage her with excellent choice of turning to Allah Ta'ala - "The duas of an oppressed person reaches the throne of Allah Ta'ala."
"Do not grieve Allah Ta'ala is with you.". How fortunate as with you. Help her develop and focus on becoming the beloved of Allah Ta'ala. Man lets you down, but Allah Ta'ala will never let you down.
Does Islam allow wife-beating?
Another Islamophobes' failed effort against Islam explained as under;
Question:
Respected scholars! Does Islam allow wife beating? Some husbands are violent and they say that the Quran allows them to beat their wives. Is there any logical explanation given regarding men being allowed to beat their wives, as stated in Surat An-Nisaa, verse 34?
Answer:
In the Name of Allah, Most Gracious, Most Merciful.
All praise and thanks are due to Allah, and peace and blessings be upon His Messenger.
Dear questioner, I would like to thank you for the great confidence you placed , and i implore Allah Almighty to help us serve His cause and render our work for His Sake.
(Ameen).
The verse mentioned has been greatly misconceived by many people who focus merely on its surface meaning, taking it to allow wife beating. When the setting is not taken into account, it isolates the words in a way that distorts or falsifies the original meaning. Before dealing with the issue of wife-battering in the perspective of Islam, we should keep in mind that the original Arabic wording of the Holy Quran is the only authentic source of meaning. If one relies on the translation alone, one is likely to misunderstand it.
Commenting on this issue, Dr. Muzammil H. Siddiqi, former President of the Islamic Society of North America, states:
"According to Quran the relationship between the husband and wife should be based on mutual love and kindness. Allah says: "And among His Signs is this, that He created for you mates from among yourselves, that ye may dwell in tranquility with them, and He has put love and mercy between your (hearts): verily in that are Signs for those who reflect." (Quran: Ar-Rum 21)
The Holy Quran urges husbands to treat their wives with kindness. (In the event of a family dispute, Quran exhorts the husband to treat his wife kindly and not to overlook her positive aspects). Allah Almighty says: “Live with them on a footing of kindness and equity. If ye take a dislike to them it may be that ye dislike a thing, and Allah brings about through it a great deal of good.” (Quran: An-Nisaa 19)
It is important that a wife recognizes the authority of her husband in the house. He is the head of the household, and she is supposed to listen to him. But the husband should also use his authority with respect and kindness towards his wife. If there arises any disagreement or dispute among them, then it should be resolved in a peaceful manner. Spouses should seek the counsel of their elders and other respectable family members and friends to batch up the rift and solve the differences.
However, in some cases a husband may use some light disciplinary action in order to correct the moral infraction of his wife, but this is only applicable in extreme cases and it should be resorted to if one is sure it would improve the situation. However, if there is a fear that it might worsen the relationship or may wreak havoc on him or the family, then he should avoid it completely.
Quran is very clear on this issue. Almighty Allah says: "Men are the protectors and maintainers of women, because Allah has given the one more strength than the other, and because they support them from their means. Therefore, the righteous women are devoutly obedient and guard in the husband's absence what Allah would have them to guard. As to those women on whose part you fear disloyalty and ill-conduct, admonish them (first), (next), refuse to share their beds, (and last) beat them (lightly); but if they return to obedience, seek not against them means (of annoyance); for Allah is most High and Great (above you all). If you fear a breach between them twain, appoint (two) arbiters, one from his family and the other from hers. If they wish for peace, Allah will cause their reconciliation; for Allah has full knowledge and is acquainted with all things." (Quran: An-Nisaa 34-35)
Men have authority over women because God has made the one superior to the other, and because they spend their wealth to maintain them. Good women are obedient. They guard their unseen parts because God has guarded them. As for those whom you fear disobedience, admonish them and send them to beds apart and beat them. Then if they obey you, take no further action against them. Surely God is most high.
Qur'an 4:34
Surah 4:34 seems to establish men as having authority over their wives and the women are to be obedient to their husbands. If the wife disobeys the husband, the husband has the right admonish them, send them to beds apart and beat them.
To have a better understanding of Surah 4:34 other translations will be quoted.
Yusuf Ali: Men are the protectors and maintainers of women, because Allah has given the one more (strength) than the other, and because they support them from their means. Therefore the righteous women are devoutly obedient, and guard in (the husband's) absence what Allah would have them guard. As to those women on whose part ye fear disloyalty and ill-conduct, admonish them (first), (Next), refuse to share their beds, (And last) beat them (lightly); but if they return to obedience, seek not against them Means (of annoyance): For Allah is Most High, great (above you all).
Pickthall: Men are in charge of women, because Allah hath made the one of them to excel the other, and because they spend of their property (for the support of women). So good women are the obedient, guarding in secret that which Allah hath guarded. As for those from whom ye fear rebellion, admonish them and banish them to beds apart, and scourge them. Then if they obey you, seek not a way against them. Lo! Allah is ever High, Exalted, Great.
Shakir: Men are the maintainers of women because Allah has made some of them to excel others and because they spend out of their property; the good women are therefore obedient, guarding the unseen as Allah has guarded; and (as to) those on whose part you fear desertion, admonish them, and leave them alone in the sleeping-places and beat them; then if they obey you, do not seek a way against them; surely Allah is High, Great. )
Qur'an 4:34
It is important to read the section fully. One should not take part of the verse and use it to justify one's own misconduct. This verse neither permits violence nor condones it. It guides us to ways to handle delicate family situation with care and wisdom. The word "beating" is used in the verse, but it does not mean "physical abuse". The Prophet (p.b.u.h.) explained it "dharban ghayra mubarrih" which means "a light tap that leaves no mark". He further said that face must be avoided. Some other scholars are of the view that it is no more than a light touch by siwak, or toothbrush.
Generally, the Prophet (p.b.u.h.) used to discourage his followers from taking even this measure. He never hit any female, and he used to say that the best of men are those who do not hit their wives. In one Hadith he expressed his extreme repulsion from this behavior and said, "How does anyone of you beat his wife as he beats the stallion camel and then embrace (sleep with) her?” (Al-Bukhari, English Translation, vol. 8, Hadith 68, pp. 42-43)
It is also important to note that even this "light strike" mentioned in the verse is not to be used to correct some minor problem, but it is permissible to resort to only in a situation of some serious moral misconduct when admonishing the wife fails, and avoiding from sleeping with her would not help. If this disciplinary action can correct a situation and save the marriage, then one should use it."
Dr. Jamal Badawi, professor at Saint Mary's University in Halifax, Nova Scotia, Canada, and a cross-appointed faculty member in the Departments of Religious Studies and Management, adds:
"If the problem relates to the wife's behavior, the husband may exhort her and appeal for reason. In most cases, this measure is likely to be sufficient. In cases where the problem persists, the husband may express his displeasure in another peaceful manner, by sleeping in a separate bed from hers. There are cases, however, in which a wife persists in bad habits and showing contempt of her husband and disregard for her marital obligations. Instead of divorce, the husband may resort to another measure that may save the marriage, at least in some cases. Such a measure is more accurately described as a gentle tap on the body, but never on the face, making it more of a symbolic measure than a punitive one.
Even here, that maximum measure is limited by the following:
a. It must be seen as a rare exception to the repeated exhortation of mutual respect, kindness and good treatment. Based on Quran and Hadith, this measure may be used in the cases of lewdness on the part of the wife or extreme refraction and rejection of the husband's reasonable requests on a consistent basis (nushuz). Even then, other measures, such as exhortation, should be tried first.
b. As defined by Hadith, it is not permissible to strike anyone's face, cause any bodily harm or even be harsh. What the Hadith qualifies as "dharban ghayra mubarrih", or light striking, was interpreted by early jurists as a (symbolic) use of siwak! They further qualified permissible "striking" as that which leaves no mark on the body.
c. The permissibility of such symbolic expression of the seriousness of continued refraction does not imply its desirability. In several Hadiths, the Prophet (p.b.u.h.) discouraged this measure. Here are some of his sayings in this regard:
"Do not beat the female servants of Allah";
"Some (women) visited my family complaining about their husbands (beating them). These (husbands) are not the best of you."
In another Hadith the Prophet (p.b.u.h.) is reported to have said: “How does anyone of you beat his wife as he beats the stallion camel and then he may embrace (sleep with) her?”
d. True following of the Sunnah is to follow the example of the Prophet (p.b.u.h.) who never resorted to that measure, regardless of the circumstances.
e. Islamic teachings are universal in nature. They respond to the needs and circumstances of diverse times, cultures and circumstances. Some measures may work in some cases and cultures or with certain persons but may not be effective in others. By definition, a "permissible" act is neither required, encouraged or forbidden. In fact it may be to spell out the extent of permissibility, such as in the issue at hand, rather than leaving it unrestricted or unqualified, or ignoring it all together. In the absence of strict qualifiers, persons may interpret the matter in their own way, which can lead to excesses and real abuse.
f. Any excess, cruelty, family violence, or abuse committed by any "Muslim" can never be traced, honestly, to any revelatory text (Quran or Hadith). Such excesses and violations are to be blamed on the person (s) himself, as it shows that they are paying lip service to Islamic teachings and injunctions and failing to follow the true Sunnah of the Prophet (p.b.u.h.)."
Conclusion:
When a husband notices signs of rebelliousness in his wife (nushuz), whether in words, as when she answers him coldly when she used to do so politely, or he asks her to come to bed and she refuses, contrary to her usual habit; or whether in acts, as when he finds her averse to him when she was previously kind and cheerful), he warns her in words (without keeping from her or hitting her, for it may be that she has an excuse. The warning could be to tell her, "fear Allah concerning the rights you owe to me," or it could be to explain that rebelliousness nullifies his obligation to support her and give her a turn amongst other wives, or it could be to inform her, "Your obeying me is religiously obligatory"). If she commits rebelliousness, he keeps from sleeping (and having sex) with her without words, and may hit her, but not in a way that injures her, meaning he may not (bruise her), break bones, wound her, or cause blood to flow. (It is unlawful to strike another’s face.) He may hit her whether she is rebellious only once or whether more than once, though a weaker opinion holds that he may hot hit her unless there is repeated rebelliousness."
If the wife does not fulfill one of the above-mentioned obligations, she is termed "rebellious" (nashiz), and the husband takes the following steps to correct matters:
(a) admonition and advice, by explaining the unlawfulness of rebellion, its harmful effect on married life, and by listening to her viewpoint on the matter;
(b) if admonition is ineffectual, he keeps from her by not sleeping in bed with her, by which both learn the degree to which they need each other;
(c) if keeping from her is ineffectual, it is permissible for him to hit her if he believes that hitting her will bring her back to the right path, though if he does not think so, it is not permissible. His hitting her may not be in a way that injures her, and is his last recourse to save the family.
(d) if the disagreement does not end after all this, each partner chooses an arbitrator to solve the dispute by settlement, or divorce.
Al-Nawawi
Reliance of the Traveler
How should the beatings go? Maybe a light slap on her shoulder, or maybe a not-so-light pinch, or a kind of gentle shove. He should make her feel that he wants to reform her, and let her know that he is displeased with her. It is like saying: None of the measures that work with sensitive people work with you. A word would be enough for any wife with lofty morals, but with you, words do not help.
Then he attempts a new direction, appealing to her femininity and emotions, by making her feel that he doesn't want her or love her. When this doesn't work, he says to her: With you, I have reached a stage which is only appropriate for inhumane people - the stage of beating.
Beating is one of the punishments of religious law. What kind of people are beaten? Virgin adulterers, both men and women, are beaten as a means of discipline. Who else is beaten? A person who committed an offense and was sentenced by the judge to beatings. Who else is beaten? Someone who committed a crime. By beating his wife, the husband is saying: You've committed a grave sin that merits beatings."
Shame upon those men who oppress their wives!
Are you one of them? Well, change your ways, apologize and repent before the Almighty overtakes you with His Wrath.
Remember the Messenger pbuh says, "The best of you are those best to their wives."
Someone asked a wise man:
what’s the meaning of “Woman”?
He replied:“She is like a surface of glass, transparent that you can see inside.The more you wipe it gently, the more it will shine , and You can see Your reflection on it, as if the woman is preserving your image inside of her shyly.
If You break it one day, it will be so hard for you to collect its shattered pieces again. If you did collect them to stick them, it won’t be back to the way it was.
It will always be disfigured. Every time you pass your hand on the fracture zones “scars” You will hurt your hand.”
This piece is Dedicated to all women😘😊.
👌🍃Our Woman has the most unique character like salt
Her presence may not be remembered but Her absence makes all the things tasteless !! Allahu Akbar!!!🐾👍
MAY ALLAH GIVE US THE ABILITY TO FULLY PERFORM OUR DUTIES as a MUSLIM (AMEEN)
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Be My witness Oh Allah That I have conveyed the message!!!
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