these festivities. However, Islam makes these festivities even more meaningful. Muslims, following the tradition of Prophet Mohammad (SAS) remind not only the newlywed couple, but also the previously wed, and those who wish to be wed, of the roles, rights and responsibilities of the spouses. This is done because the family unit is extremely important in the eyes of Allah (SWT). In fact, the topic which is discussed in the greatest detail in the Quran is the family life. The harmony in the family unit builds a better community and consequently determines the quality of life in a society.
First of all, I thank Allah (SWT) who has created this sacred institution of marriage. Allah (SWT) says: وخهق الإ عَا ضؼ فُا
Humans are created weak. If we are asked to stay single forever, it would be very hard for us to do so in many ways. Allah (SWT) not only created the sacred institution of marriage but also highly encouraged us to marry as soon as possible. It is indeed a beautiful and pleasant solution to overcome inherent human weakness. In this way two persons, who are strangers, bind themselves together and instantly develop care, kindness, consideration, sympathy, sincerity, and love for each other.It is further strengthened by mutual respect and understanding.
Allah (SWT) not only created this sacred institution, but also specified goals for it and means to achieve these goals. Allah (SWT) says: Ar-Rum # 21
And among His signs is this, that He created for you wives from among yourselves, that you may find comfort in them, and He has put between you affection and love. Verily, in that are indeed signs for the people who reflect.
In light of modern day, what is marriage? What does it mean? The Collins Paperback English Dictionary states under the heading of marriage: ‘The contract made by a man and a woman to live as husband and wife’.
The Hutchinson Encyclopedia states: ‘..legally or culturally sanctioned union..’. So, according to the dictionary and the encyclopedia marriage is supposed to be a relationship that joins a man and a woman together via a contract. When one looks at what marriage actually is in this modern era of the world one finds a completely different picture. It seems as though modern couples sign the contract with a get-out-whenever-you-like-upon-trivial-matters clause, which enables both the husband and the wife to scrap their marriage contracts and break their marriage oaths whenever they feel like leaving their partner and move on.
Marriage is supposed to tie a man and a woman together and strengthen their relationship. Today the world is seeing a new era where marriage is no longer considered necessary or even significant for a relationship. Islam has laid down rules and regulations for marriage and has considered marriage an important and essential part of a Muslim’s life. This lack of understanding has in itself caused behaviour prohibited in Islam such as masturbation, sexual relationships/encounters outside of Nikah (marriage), etc which are increasing day by day. I will attempt to unfold these issues using The Holy Quran and the saying of the messenger of Allah: Muhammad .
Marriage is a sacred bond between a man and woman, which makes each other permissible for them to enjoy and live happily. Allah has described, in the most moving and eloquent terms, this eternal, natural relationship between man and woman, which is filled with security, love, understanding and compassion:
“And among His signs is this that He created for you mates from among yourselves, that you may dwell in tranquility with them, and He has put love and mercy between your hearts: Verily in that are signs for those who reflect. (Quran 30:21)
Marriage is also an important part of the Sunnah. The Messenger of Allah (May Allah bless him and grant him peace) said: “The Nikah is my Sunnah (way), whosoever leaves my Sunnah is not from amongst me” (Kitabus Sunan – Mishkat)
The Prophet of Allah (May Allah bless him and grant him peace) has also said as narrated by Ibn Masud (May Allah be pleased with him)
“Young men, those of you who can support a wife should marry, for it keeps you from looking at non permissible females and protects you from immorality. However, those who cannot should devote themselves to fasting, for it is a means of suppressing sexual desire.” (Bukhari and Muslim)
However, we also find that in today’s day and age that there are many marriages that are improper or unfair and can make a person’s life miserable. These marriages are either forced or arranged against a person’s will. Islam does not support in any way a marriage where either the man or woman is unhappy with the set up.
We find that some people use their power of authority and cultural understanding (baradarism) to arrange such forced marriages and then hide behind the religion of Islam to justify their actions
These days, there are different types of marriage such as ; Arranged marriages, Forced Marriages, Love Marriages, Secret Marriages, but not the topic of this time.
Real Marriage in Islam (Nikkah)
Marriage is a vital part of a Muslim’s life. In fact marriage is so important in the religion of Islam that it is declared to be one half of one’s faith. As a Muslim one should live in accordance with the Islamic Jurisprudence in the way shown by the greatest of creations and the person who was the greatest impact on mankind in the existence of the universe, The Holy Prophet Muhammad . The Prophet himself married and also encouraged others to marry. It has been reported that The Prophet Muhammad said,
‘A person who possesses the means to marry (i.e. he is able to work etc. to support a wife and children) and does not marry then he is not from amongst us (i.e. the believers).’
In another narration the Prophet Muhammad has been reported to have said,
‘Do not delay in three things; 1) The offering of the obligatory prayer. 2) The offering of the funeral prayer when the deceased’s body is present . 3) The marriage of a woman when her couple is found’
One can see from this statement that to become a complete and true believer one must act upon the advice given by The Prophet Muhammad . This means marrying when the partner is found and not delaying it for too long.
The Creator of the Universe – Allah - has stated in the Quran,
‘And wed the single among you’.(C24 : V32)
One can see from the above verse that the Creator of mankind himself has ordered us to marry. The scholars of Islam have stated that when Allah states an order in the Quran like the above-mentioned one then this order becomes compulsory on man hence marriage is an obligatory act. The big question must be why? Why has Islam emphasised marriage so much and why has the best of creations encouraged it so much. Surely there must be a reason. Well there are a number of reasons why Islam has emphasised marriage so much. A few of which I will mention.
So Why marry?
Marriage makes an incomplete human being a complete one. It makes him/her a grown up and gives him/her responsibilities whether those responsibilities are to feed and clothe the wife or to assist the husband. Marriage is supposed to take a person out of the hectic lifestyle that one is in and place him or her in an organised environment giving them a path to follow in life and a shoulder to lean on. In short marriage arranges one’s life. In Islam a man cannot have relationships with those he can marry unless it is within marriage. In other words Islam gives the right to a woman to be a wife of a man independent of the marriage relationship the man may have with another woman. This is a key difference because in the modern era a man is not guilty if he has relationships with a woman outside of marriage but the moment he contracts to treat this woman equally as his wife, he is criminalised for illegal behaviour. This is odd as the current common law does not criminalise the actual relationship of the man with another woman but punishes the solemn promise/affirmation in writing to continue. Any offspring would be illegitimate as the courts would not recognise polgamy even though it exists and is accepted in behaviour but not in writing. In some senses the increase in divorce rates and re-marriages we see nowadays is in some ways a serial version of polygamy!. There are many reasons that support polygamy but Islam limits the practice to four wives and is allowed only when one can be fair to all wives. Polygamy is only mentioned briefly here but as a subject could be read in further detail elsewhere. Please also note that the current Law of the land in this regard should be abided by.
Marriage helps to safeguard one’s imaan (faith) i.e. it stops one from committing such acts by which s/he could be considered immoral. Sins such as intermingling with people of the opposite sex or socialising as it is classed in everyday terms are not considered to be acceptable in Islam, (because it creates immorality and immodesty) even though an incredibly large amount of people will hastily class it as an 'essential' part of one’s day.
Marriage and its Connection with Fornication and Homosexuality
One of the most underestimated sins is fornication. Nowadays this is considered to be something which one should feel proud of with a ‘the more the better’ motto it seems which is an incredibly sad thing to say. Fornication is a despicable act in the eyes of Islamic Jurisprudence due to its ill effects on society. Many youngsters and even teenagers get dragged into this act and then suffer the consequences when they (in most cases the female) are left to look after the child and struggle greatly due to financial difficulties. Many also end up leaving the child in an orphanage; circumstances in society can create an unfortunate and challenging upbringing. Hence, fornication plays an extremely significant part in the fall of society. What makes it worse is that today’s society has considered it to be a small matter and it is not paid any attention to it (or not as much as it needs). In fact in modern society fornication is not even considered wrong (i.e. it is not even considered immoral).
Marriage also reduces the possibility of one indulging in forbidden acts of homosexuality; if a believer (i.e. a Muslim) indulges in homosexual relations they should seek Allah’s forgiveness; please note that the current law of the land should be abided by individuals and upheld by authorities. Homosexuality is not only against the teachings of Judaism Christianity and Islam, it also seriously endangers one’s health. Homosexuals or bisexuals are much more likely to contract diseases such as AIDS and HIV from their sexual relationships than a man is who conducts sexual relationships with women. This is due to the fact that in hetrosexual intercourse (i.e. man + woman) there is normally only one way that this disease can be passed on from one individual to the other and that is through the transfusion of the fluids excreted during sexual intercourse. Whereas during a homosexual relationship, during anal intercourse (also prohibited in Islam) there are two ways in which the disease can be contracted. The first way is through the mixing of the fluids and the second way is through the mixing of the blood, which is emitted from the body during anal intercourse. The risk of homosexual behaviour increases when a man fails to marry a woman. On the other hand, if a man marries a woman then the risk of him ever commiting homosexual behaviour is almost invariably mitigated.
Islam has tried to prevent those factors that cause immorality, promiscuity. Islam understands the harms of such things and has therefore laid down strict rules, Please refer to a reputable scholar for guidance on this important issue. In this way one will attempt to stay away from these sins in any possible way.
Many cases of domestic violence, rape/indecent assault and dis-functional families are caused/inflicted by peaople who turn around and try to excuse their behaviour by saying they did not think they were committing an illegal act. The cries and complaints of the victims are dismissed as normality in 'this day and age'. For example: a child is left with a single parent due to non-marriage relationships easily breaking down. A rape victim is unjustly and quickly accused of 'consenting' as casual sex/extra marital sex is not illegal. A person is infected with a transmitted disease through extra-marital/casual sex of their 'partner'. (A child is born with HIV due to the mother being infected by the decease through extra-marital/casual sex by herself/partner). A child is left with a single parent due to one of the parents being in a homosexual relationship. Fewer children have a brother/sister from the same parent due to homosexual relationship of a parent. A baby from casual/extra marital intercourse is killed (aborted). A decline in population due to abortions from temporary relationships. A drop in births due to same sex relationships. A decline in births causes a decrease in the number of people who look after others in old age. The nature of temporary relationships leads to a climate of doubt and questionable parentage. Paternity tests may not be error free, conclusive or affordable and legal declarations of paternity and custody can take a long time even when all parties wish it to be expedient. Children in almost all cases would prefer knowing who their biological parents are and prefer being brought up by them however temporary relationships can be very complicated and children end up being the silent victims of social crimes.
The Knock-on Effects
Unfortunately today, the state and most societies fail to acknowledge the issues slowing down the progress of a society as a whole. Many couples acknowledge bringing up children, particularly teenagers is not easy. To do so when one is single is definitely harder. The very nature of relationships out of marriage leads to temporal behaviour, devoid of commitment. Even long standing relationships are tested against time only to breakdown due to the absence of commitment in the form of a marriage contract. Children need to be nurtured, be motivated and be re-assured. They need role models and people who they can talk/confide in. Where families are broken and reflect the state of society young people do not receive the support they need. 'Time and Money' being the commodities that are best shared in family environments are split or consumed by 'individual space/pursuits'. Children are left vulnerable to society's ills and juvenile crime; leading to a life devoid of social responsibility and this degenerating cycle repeats. People attempting to attract potential sexual participants often resort to displaying themselves with the latest trend in clothes, gadgets, cars/possessions. Some waste a lot of money ensuring they replace yesterday’s gear with today's. Money is commonly channeled away from necessities and sometimes substantial debt is incurred. These expenses may be paid by hard-earned cash however ill-gotten means (fraud/theft) fuelling such showful habits are familiar and increasing as 'must have' mentalities prevail. Indecent/sexual assault, rape etc are crimes that are committed where defence excuses touted include 'honourable attention', wrong signals' 'reasonable belief of consent', etc. If sexual intercourse was legal only under marriage then some of these crimes can be prevented as there will be no excuses. There would also be a decrease in crimes centred around attention competition as again the objective would be only legal within marriage and so opportunists would find it difficult. Crime rates centred around attention competition in islamic/moral societies is considerably lower than where sexual relations/encounters outside of Nikah is not abated.
Marriage and Masturbation
One type of indecent practise, which has crept into the youngsters of today, is the practise of masturbation. This is partly due to the fact that many people decide to marry very late on in their lives, (which is not in accordance with what The Prophet Muhammad said). This leads them into this practice because they feel that they need to fulfil their carnal desires but they cannot do so in the normal way i.e. sexual intercourse.
Islam has condemned the act of masturbation simply because it is harmful towards a person not only physically but also morally. Masturbation contributes to the weakening of the sexual organs. One reason why people do not think that masturbating is wrong is because that is what most people are led into thinking. I can remember very well from my time in school when the teacher actually encouraged masturbation by saying that one should masturbate whenever one feels the urge and that one should not consider it to be wrong or immoral. I myself found this fairly shocking due to the fact that I came from a background where acts such as masturbation were shunned.
My note on Marriage
Islam has many reasons to encourage marriage such as its advantages in safeguarding one’s faith and also because marriage is an essential element in the proper upbringing of children. This is because children without one of their parents are much more likely to commit crimes etc. and in short become a nuisance to the environment they live in. Marriage plays a large part in saving one from the sins of fornication, homosexuality and masturbation. It takes away the possibility of these things because after marriage a man is supposed to occupy himself with a woman he has married and vice versa.
The Prophet Muhammad has himself said, ‘A person who possesses the means to marry (i.e. he is able to work etc. to support a wife and children) and does not marry, then he is not from amongst us (i.e. the believers).’
Not only has The Holy Prophet Muhammad placed emphasis on the importance of marriage but also the Creator of the Universe (Allah) has commanded His people to marry when He says in the Quran, ‘And wed the single among you’. (chapter 24, verse 32)
From the above verse one sees again that the Creator of mankind has ordered man (not just advised him) to join in matrimony. I am hopeful that you will agree on the importance of marriage based on the above factual data / the Quran and the sayings of The Prophet Muhammad .
Unfortunately though, even after much emphasis from Islam on the importance of marriage, many people still fail to acknowledge its significance. A relationship between two people is not just supposed to be a short, action-packed romance story from the studios of Hollywood (which inevitably comes to an end sooner rather than later), but it is supposed to be a serious, long-term relationship in which both individuals are content and comfortable with one another. A relationship should not exist of a one-night-stand as is the case now especially amongst students of universities, colleges and even schools. A relationship should show that both partners are ready to sacrifice and endure for their partner; the way towards this is through marriage. Until the world realises the importance of marriage as well as its benefits and advantages, it will be faced with the endless problems caused by neglecting marriage.
Hence goal or objective of marriage is to find peace, comfort and tranquility.
This peace can only be achieved through mutual love between the spouses and not by merely one way traffic. In this verse two words are used side by side for this mutual love between the spouses. One is Mawaddah and other is Rahmah both meaning love. Scholars explain that Mawaddah is perhaps the love and infatuation between the couple while they are in their prime youth or in the early stages of the relationship, and they are attracted to one another. Rahmah, is love, kindness and consideration that they have for each other when they grow old. However, they may exercise both of these terms at the same time throughout the relationship.
Now I would like to describe some rights of the spouses. We all have two kinds of rights. There are rights which we have in our business and trade transactions. These rights are spelled out in business contracts. If these rights are not fulfilled we can go to the local justice department, and these can be enforced on the defaulting party. Then there are other rights between parents, children, spouses, and relatives. These can only be fulfilled if we show love, care, consideration, sympathy, and sincerity. There is no court system in the world which can fairly say who and how much a person is supposed to show love and consideration to others. There is no stethoscope or any other gadget to judge this. A person will only exercise these values if there is fear of Allah (SWT) and consciousness of accountability on the Day of Judgment. This is why Prophet Mohammad (SAS) sometimes gave this brief Khutba اذقىا الله
Fear Allah or be conscious of Allah (SWT) in every walk of life. This is a sufficient reminder by itself. Since, different verses of the Quran are explanations of other verses. Prophet Mohammad (SAS)
used to explain this verse by reciting the first verse of surah An-Nisa during a marriage ceremony.
O mankind be conscious of Allah (SWT) who created you from one person (Adam), and then created from him his wife and then created many men and women from them. You should also fear Allah (SWT) whom you refer to when you make your claims from others. Last but not the least, be conscious of fulfilling the rights of relatives. Since Allah (SWT) is definitely watching over you.
Why should we fear Allah (SWT)? The answer to this question is, since He created us and our very existence is due to Him. Allah (SWT) says in the Quran : Surah Al-Insan # 1
Has not a long time passed on a person when he was not even a thing worth mentioning.
Hence, if a person is twenty years old who would have known about him twenty-five years ago. Even the parents did not know. It is Allah (SWT) who created him.
Allah (SWT) is not only the creator but also our nourisher and provider. Therefore all of our loyalties belong to Him alone.
He could have created us in a variety of ways, but he created us from one person (Adam), to guide and remind us that we are in fact one family. Hence the members of this large family must always show love,respect care and consideration to one another. In this way, Islam teaches us the universal brotherhood. No other religion commands and demands from its followers to practice this universal brotherhood so emphatically as in the first verse of Surah An Nisa given above..
I would now like to explain the roles and responsibilities of spouses in light of the guidance of the Holy Quran and the teaching of Prophet Mohammad (SAS). Allah (SWT) says in surah An-Nisa: # 34
The men are overall incharge over the women. This verse is often misunderstood, due to the fact that people ignore other verses in the Qur'an pertaining to this topic. For example it does not mean that men are to act as hot headed dictators. Allah (SWT) says:
Live with them in goodness. Hence we must treat our women nicely. Allah (SWT) says: Al-Baqarah # 233
Consult your wives in matters of home life. Consultation or Shura is an important element of Islam and must be used in family unit as well. In fact there is absolutely no difference between a man and a woman as far as rights are concerned.Rights of men and women are equal in Islam. Allah (SWT) says: Al-Baqarah # 228
Women's rights over men are the same as men's rights over the women.
Each has a role which is very demanding in its own way. Only men can play men's roles the best and women can play women's roles the best.In fact, only the Creator knows the best roles for us and He assigned those accordingly.
Hence, we see that man is overall incharge but he is to consult and treat his wife nicely all the time. Man could really be in trouble because if his judgment on a final decision in a matter goes wrong, it will fire back on him. Thus he will be accountable in this world and in the life to come for it.
So far I have given a lot of instructions to men. You may be wondering if there are any instructions for women. Yes, indeed.First of all,who are the pious ladies? Allah (SWT) says: An-Nisa # 34
The pious woman is that one who whole heartily accepts man as the one who is incharge. In the absence of her husband she protects
herself and his wealth.” Wealth of course means, physical belongings as well as children. Hence, bringing up children Islamically is very important. Since, both of these obligations are difficult tasks, Allah (SWT) says that He will especially help the women to fulfill these obligations if they sincerely try.
Prophet Mohammad (SAS) gave the explanation of this verse by saying, “The best wife is the one whom when you see her you feel happy, when you ask her to do something she obeys, and when you are away she protects herself and the belongings.”
Life is not always smooth. There are some ripples. In case of any differences Allah (SWT) says: AT-Taghabun # 14
But if you pardon (them) and overlook, and forgive (their faults) then verily Allah is Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful. By forgiving you are not a loser but rather you are the winner. Therefore, do not be rude or mean towards each other in sorting out your differences. Resorting to cursing each other is an even worse behavior. For example, Prophet Mohammad (SAS) said to his companions, “Do not curse your parents.” The companions humbly said, “How can one curse one's own parents?” Prophet Mohammad (SAS) said, “When one curses another person‟s parents, then he may start to curse your parents.”
To avoid such confrontation the Quran guides us not only to forgive others but also it emphsises that we should not forget the goodness and graciousness between ourselves. Al-Baqara # 237
Do not forget the niceness between yourselves.
Allah (SWT) describes the mutual relationship between spouses in surah Al-Baqarah.# 187
WOMEN ARE MEN'S CLOTHES, AND MEN ARE WOMEN'S CLOTHES. Allah (SWT) has used a beautiful example to explain this relation. Permit me to ask you a question. What do clothes do?
First of all, the clothes protect us from heat, cold, sun, dust, etc. Similarly spouses are protectors of each other and in a way a shield for each other.
Secondly, clothes cover our defects and spots on the body. Similarly spouses know each other‟s defects and are supposed to cover these defects and not to go around saying to relatives and friends the weaknesses of their spouses.
Thirdly,the clothes add to the beauty and charm of a person. Similarly spouses add to each other‟s beauty and charm. Physically, they should be best dressed for each other and not for ceremonies only. For example, men are not supposed to be sloppily dressed at home and vise versa. Moreover, each spouse should display beautiful character and behavior to each other. If for example a woman does not have good behavior, it shows the behavior of her husband and vice versa.
Last but not the least; clothes are closest to the body. Similarly spouses are closest to each other and know each other‟s secrets. They should keep each other‟s secrets. Spouses should remain close to each other with sincere understanding. It is not proper that a woman remain closest to her relatives and a man closest to his relatives. There is no other phrase or wording in any book in the world which describes so beautifully, eloquently and comprehensively the mutual rights and responsibilities of spouses, as this tiny verse of Quran:
Shaykh Ibn Uthaymeen
A person may hear that a woman is of good character and virtuous and knowledgeable, so he may want to marry her. Or a woman may hear that a man is of good character and virtuous and knowledgeable and religiously committed, so she may want to marry him.
But contact between the two who admire one another in ways that are not Islamically acceptable is the problem, which leads to disastrous consequences.
In this case it is not permissible for the man to get in touch with the woman or for the woman to get in touch with the man, and say that he wants to marry her. Rather he should tell her wali (guardian) that he wants to marry her, or she should tell her wali that she wants to marry him, as ‘Umar (may Allaah be pleased with him) did when he offered his daughter Hafsah in marriage to Abu Bakr and ‘Uthmaan (may Allaah be pleased with them both).
But if the woman contacts the man directly, this is what leads to fitnah (temptation).
📜Source: Liqaa’aat al-Baab il-Maftooh (26/ question no. 13). Selection of a partner:
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
The first thing we should look for when marrying is how committed the person is to Islam.
Prophet Muhammad (sallallahu alayhi was sallam) said, “A woman is normally sought as a wife for her wealth, beauty, nobility, or religiousness (adherence to Islam), but choose a religious woman and you will prosper. ” (Muslim)
And he said, “A woman is married for four things, i.e., her wealth, her family status, her beauty and her religion. You should marry the religious woman (otherwise) you will be a loser. “(Bukhari)
He said, “The whole world is a provision, and the best object of benefit of the world is the pious woman. ” (Muslim)
The same holds true when looking for a husband, as the Messenger of Allaah (sallallahu alayhi was sallam) said, “When someone with whose religion and character you are satisfied asks to marry your daughter, comply with his request. If you do not do so, there will be corruption and great evil on earth. ” (Tirmidhi)
Of course, both parties have to agree to marry one another and they can not be forced to marry one another . The Messenger of Allah (sallallahu alayhi was sallam) said, “A woman whom has been previously married has more right concerning herself than her guardian, and a virgin’s consent must be asked about herself…” (Bukhari and Muslim)
The choice of a partner should be the one with the most "taqwa" (piety). The prophet recommended the suitors see each other before going through with marriage. It is unreasonable for two people to be thrown together and be expected to relate and be intimate when they know nothing of each other. The couple are permitted to look at each other with a critical eye and not a lustful one. This ruling does not contradict the ayah which says that believing men and women should lower their gaze.
- The couple, however are not permitted to be alone in a closed room or go out together alone. As the hadith says "when a man and a woman are together alone, there is a third presence i.e. shaitaan.
- There is no concept of courtship in Islam as it is practised in the west. There is no dating or living in defacto relationship or trying each other out before they commit to each other seriously. There is to be no physical relationship what so ever before marriage. The romantic notions that young people often have, have proven in most cases to be unrealistic and harmful to those involved. We only have to look at the alarming divorce rate in the west to understand this point. e.g. the couple know each other for years, are intimate, live together and so on yet somehow this does not guarantee the success of the future marriage. Romance and love simply do not equal a everlasting bond between two people.
Fact: Romance and love die out very quickly when we have to deal in the real world. The unrealistic expectations that young people have is what often contributes to the failure of their relationship.
- The west make fun of the Islamic way of marriage in particular arranged marriage, yet the irony is that statistically arranged marriages prove to be more successful and lasting than romantic types of courtship.
This is because people are blinded by the physical attraction and thus do not choose the compatible partner.
Love blinds people to potential problems in the relationship. There is an Arabic saying: which says "the mirror of love is blind, it makes zucchini into okra". Arranged marriages on the other hand, are based not on physical attraction or romantic notions but rather on critical evaluation of the compatibility of the couple.
This is why they often prove successful. I pray to Allah (SWT) that He may enable us to understand. this guidance and also to make use of it in real life,Our lord ! Bestow on us from our wives and our offspring who will be the comfort of our eyes, and make us leaders fro the muttaqun (Ameen). Be My witness Oh Allah That I have conveyed the message!!!
Humans are created weak. If we are asked to stay single forever, it would be very hard for us to do so in many ways. Allah (SWT) not only created the sacred institution of marriage but also highly encouraged us to marry as soon as possible. It is indeed a beautiful and pleasant solution to overcome inherent human weakness. In this way two persons, who are strangers, bind themselves together and instantly develop care, kindness, consideration, sympathy, sincerity, and love for each other.It is further strengthened by mutual respect and understanding.
Allah (SWT) not only created this sacred institution, but also specified goals for it and means to achieve these goals. Allah (SWT) says: Ar-Rum # 21
And among His signs is this, that He created for you wives from among yourselves, that you may find comfort in them, and He has put between you affection and love. Verily, in that are indeed signs for the people who reflect.
In light of modern day, what is marriage? What does it mean? The Collins Paperback English Dictionary states under the heading of marriage: ‘The contract made by a man and a woman to live as husband and wife’.
The Hutchinson Encyclopedia states: ‘..legally or culturally sanctioned union..’. So, according to the dictionary and the encyclopedia marriage is supposed to be a relationship that joins a man and a woman together via a contract. When one looks at what marriage actually is in this modern era of the world one finds a completely different picture. It seems as though modern couples sign the contract with a get-out-whenever-you-like-upon-trivial-matters clause, which enables both the husband and the wife to scrap their marriage contracts and break their marriage oaths whenever they feel like leaving their partner and move on.
Marriage is supposed to tie a man and a woman together and strengthen their relationship. Today the world is seeing a new era where marriage is no longer considered necessary or even significant for a relationship. Islam has laid down rules and regulations for marriage and has considered marriage an important and essential part of a Muslim’s life. This lack of understanding has in itself caused behaviour prohibited in Islam such as masturbation, sexual relationships/encounters outside of Nikah (marriage), etc which are increasing day by day. I will attempt to unfold these issues using The Holy Quran and the saying of the messenger of Allah: Muhammad .
Marriage is a sacred bond between a man and woman, which makes each other permissible for them to enjoy and live happily. Allah has described, in the most moving and eloquent terms, this eternal, natural relationship between man and woman, which is filled with security, love, understanding and compassion:
“And among His signs is this that He created for you mates from among yourselves, that you may dwell in tranquility with them, and He has put love and mercy between your hearts: Verily in that are signs for those who reflect. (Quran 30:21)
Marriage is also an important part of the Sunnah. The Messenger of Allah (May Allah bless him and grant him peace) said: “The Nikah is my Sunnah (way), whosoever leaves my Sunnah is not from amongst me” (Kitabus Sunan – Mishkat)
The Prophet of Allah (May Allah bless him and grant him peace) has also said as narrated by Ibn Masud (May Allah be pleased with him)
“Young men, those of you who can support a wife should marry, for it keeps you from looking at non permissible females and protects you from immorality. However, those who cannot should devote themselves to fasting, for it is a means of suppressing sexual desire.” (Bukhari and Muslim)
However, we also find that in today’s day and age that there are many marriages that are improper or unfair and can make a person’s life miserable. These marriages are either forced or arranged against a person’s will. Islam does not support in any way a marriage where either the man or woman is unhappy with the set up.
We find that some people use their power of authority and cultural understanding (baradarism) to arrange such forced marriages and then hide behind the religion of Islam to justify their actions
These days, there are different types of marriage such as ; Arranged marriages, Forced Marriages, Love Marriages, Secret Marriages, but not the topic of this time.
Real Marriage in Islam (Nikkah)
Marriage is a vital part of a Muslim’s life. In fact marriage is so important in the religion of Islam that it is declared to be one half of one’s faith. As a Muslim one should live in accordance with the Islamic Jurisprudence in the way shown by the greatest of creations and the person who was the greatest impact on mankind in the existence of the universe, The Holy Prophet Muhammad . The Prophet himself married and also encouraged others to marry. It has been reported that The Prophet Muhammad said,
‘A person who possesses the means to marry (i.e. he is able to work etc. to support a wife and children) and does not marry then he is not from amongst us (i.e. the believers).’
In another narration the Prophet Muhammad has been reported to have said,
‘Do not delay in three things; 1) The offering of the obligatory prayer. 2) The offering of the funeral prayer when the deceased’s body is present . 3) The marriage of a woman when her couple is found’
One can see from this statement that to become a complete and true believer one must act upon the advice given by The Prophet Muhammad . This means marrying when the partner is found and not delaying it for too long.
The Creator of the Universe – Allah - has stated in the Quran,
‘And wed the single among you’.(C24 : V32)
One can see from the above verse that the Creator of mankind himself has ordered us to marry. The scholars of Islam have stated that when Allah states an order in the Quran like the above-mentioned one then this order becomes compulsory on man hence marriage is an obligatory act. The big question must be why? Why has Islam emphasised marriage so much and why has the best of creations encouraged it so much. Surely there must be a reason. Well there are a number of reasons why Islam has emphasised marriage so much. A few of which I will mention.
So Why marry?
Marriage makes an incomplete human being a complete one. It makes him/her a grown up and gives him/her responsibilities whether those responsibilities are to feed and clothe the wife or to assist the husband. Marriage is supposed to take a person out of the hectic lifestyle that one is in and place him or her in an organised environment giving them a path to follow in life and a shoulder to lean on. In short marriage arranges one’s life. In Islam a man cannot have relationships with those he can marry unless it is within marriage. In other words Islam gives the right to a woman to be a wife of a man independent of the marriage relationship the man may have with another woman. This is a key difference because in the modern era a man is not guilty if he has relationships with a woman outside of marriage but the moment he contracts to treat this woman equally as his wife, he is criminalised for illegal behaviour. This is odd as the current common law does not criminalise the actual relationship of the man with another woman but punishes the solemn promise/affirmation in writing to continue. Any offspring would be illegitimate as the courts would not recognise polgamy even though it exists and is accepted in behaviour but not in writing. In some senses the increase in divorce rates and re-marriages we see nowadays is in some ways a serial version of polygamy!. There are many reasons that support polygamy but Islam limits the practice to four wives and is allowed only when one can be fair to all wives. Polygamy is only mentioned briefly here but as a subject could be read in further detail elsewhere. Please also note that the current Law of the land in this regard should be abided by.
Marriage helps to safeguard one’s imaan (faith) i.e. it stops one from committing such acts by which s/he could be considered immoral. Sins such as intermingling with people of the opposite sex or socialising as it is classed in everyday terms are not considered to be acceptable in Islam, (because it creates immorality and immodesty) even though an incredibly large amount of people will hastily class it as an 'essential' part of one’s day.
Marriage and its Connection with Fornication and Homosexuality
One of the most underestimated sins is fornication. Nowadays this is considered to be something which one should feel proud of with a ‘the more the better’ motto it seems which is an incredibly sad thing to say. Fornication is a despicable act in the eyes of Islamic Jurisprudence due to its ill effects on society. Many youngsters and even teenagers get dragged into this act and then suffer the consequences when they (in most cases the female) are left to look after the child and struggle greatly due to financial difficulties. Many also end up leaving the child in an orphanage; circumstances in society can create an unfortunate and challenging upbringing. Hence, fornication plays an extremely significant part in the fall of society. What makes it worse is that today’s society has considered it to be a small matter and it is not paid any attention to it (or not as much as it needs). In fact in modern society fornication is not even considered wrong (i.e. it is not even considered immoral).
Marriage also reduces the possibility of one indulging in forbidden acts of homosexuality; if a believer (i.e. a Muslim) indulges in homosexual relations they should seek Allah’s forgiveness; please note that the current law of the land should be abided by individuals and upheld by authorities. Homosexuality is not only against the teachings of Judaism Christianity and Islam, it also seriously endangers one’s health. Homosexuals or bisexuals are much more likely to contract diseases such as AIDS and HIV from their sexual relationships than a man is who conducts sexual relationships with women. This is due to the fact that in hetrosexual intercourse (i.e. man + woman) there is normally only one way that this disease can be passed on from one individual to the other and that is through the transfusion of the fluids excreted during sexual intercourse. Whereas during a homosexual relationship, during anal intercourse (also prohibited in Islam) there are two ways in which the disease can be contracted. The first way is through the mixing of the fluids and the second way is through the mixing of the blood, which is emitted from the body during anal intercourse. The risk of homosexual behaviour increases when a man fails to marry a woman. On the other hand, if a man marries a woman then the risk of him ever commiting homosexual behaviour is almost invariably mitigated.
Islam has tried to prevent those factors that cause immorality, promiscuity. Islam understands the harms of such things and has therefore laid down strict rules, Please refer to a reputable scholar for guidance on this important issue. In this way one will attempt to stay away from these sins in any possible way.
Many cases of domestic violence, rape/indecent assault and dis-functional families are caused/inflicted by peaople who turn around and try to excuse their behaviour by saying they did not think they were committing an illegal act. The cries and complaints of the victims are dismissed as normality in 'this day and age'. For example: a child is left with a single parent due to non-marriage relationships easily breaking down. A rape victim is unjustly and quickly accused of 'consenting' as casual sex/extra marital sex is not illegal. A person is infected with a transmitted disease through extra-marital/casual sex of their 'partner'. (A child is born with HIV due to the mother being infected by the decease through extra-marital/casual sex by herself/partner). A child is left with a single parent due to one of the parents being in a homosexual relationship. Fewer children have a brother/sister from the same parent due to homosexual relationship of a parent. A baby from casual/extra marital intercourse is killed (aborted). A decline in population due to abortions from temporary relationships. A drop in births due to same sex relationships. A decline in births causes a decrease in the number of people who look after others in old age. The nature of temporary relationships leads to a climate of doubt and questionable parentage. Paternity tests may not be error free, conclusive or affordable and legal declarations of paternity and custody can take a long time even when all parties wish it to be expedient. Children in almost all cases would prefer knowing who their biological parents are and prefer being brought up by them however temporary relationships can be very complicated and children end up being the silent victims of social crimes.
The Knock-on Effects
Unfortunately today, the state and most societies fail to acknowledge the issues slowing down the progress of a society as a whole. Many couples acknowledge bringing up children, particularly teenagers is not easy. To do so when one is single is definitely harder. The very nature of relationships out of marriage leads to temporal behaviour, devoid of commitment. Even long standing relationships are tested against time only to breakdown due to the absence of commitment in the form of a marriage contract. Children need to be nurtured, be motivated and be re-assured. They need role models and people who they can talk/confide in. Where families are broken and reflect the state of society young people do not receive the support they need. 'Time and Money' being the commodities that are best shared in family environments are split or consumed by 'individual space/pursuits'. Children are left vulnerable to society's ills and juvenile crime; leading to a life devoid of social responsibility and this degenerating cycle repeats. People attempting to attract potential sexual participants often resort to displaying themselves with the latest trend in clothes, gadgets, cars/possessions. Some waste a lot of money ensuring they replace yesterday’s gear with today's. Money is commonly channeled away from necessities and sometimes substantial debt is incurred. These expenses may be paid by hard-earned cash however ill-gotten means (fraud/theft) fuelling such showful habits are familiar and increasing as 'must have' mentalities prevail. Indecent/sexual assault, rape etc are crimes that are committed where defence excuses touted include 'honourable attention', wrong signals' 'reasonable belief of consent', etc. If sexual intercourse was legal only under marriage then some of these crimes can be prevented as there will be no excuses. There would also be a decrease in crimes centred around attention competition as again the objective would be only legal within marriage and so opportunists would find it difficult. Crime rates centred around attention competition in islamic/moral societies is considerably lower than where sexual relations/encounters outside of Nikah is not abated.
Marriage and Masturbation
One type of indecent practise, which has crept into the youngsters of today, is the practise of masturbation. This is partly due to the fact that many people decide to marry very late on in their lives, (which is not in accordance with what The Prophet Muhammad said). This leads them into this practice because they feel that they need to fulfil their carnal desires but they cannot do so in the normal way i.e. sexual intercourse.
Islam has condemned the act of masturbation simply because it is harmful towards a person not only physically but also morally. Masturbation contributes to the weakening of the sexual organs. One reason why people do not think that masturbating is wrong is because that is what most people are led into thinking. I can remember very well from my time in school when the teacher actually encouraged masturbation by saying that one should masturbate whenever one feels the urge and that one should not consider it to be wrong or immoral. I myself found this fairly shocking due to the fact that I came from a background where acts such as masturbation were shunned.
My note on Marriage
Islam has many reasons to encourage marriage such as its advantages in safeguarding one’s faith and also because marriage is an essential element in the proper upbringing of children. This is because children without one of their parents are much more likely to commit crimes etc. and in short become a nuisance to the environment they live in. Marriage plays a large part in saving one from the sins of fornication, homosexuality and masturbation. It takes away the possibility of these things because after marriage a man is supposed to occupy himself with a woman he has married and vice versa.
The Prophet Muhammad has himself said, ‘A person who possesses the means to marry (i.e. he is able to work etc. to support a wife and children) and does not marry, then he is not from amongst us (i.e. the believers).’
Not only has The Holy Prophet Muhammad placed emphasis on the importance of marriage but also the Creator of the Universe (Allah) has commanded His people to marry when He says in the Quran, ‘And wed the single among you’. (chapter 24, verse 32)
From the above verse one sees again that the Creator of mankind has ordered man (not just advised him) to join in matrimony. I am hopeful that you will agree on the importance of marriage based on the above factual data / the Quran and the sayings of The Prophet Muhammad .
Unfortunately though, even after much emphasis from Islam on the importance of marriage, many people still fail to acknowledge its significance. A relationship between two people is not just supposed to be a short, action-packed romance story from the studios of Hollywood (which inevitably comes to an end sooner rather than later), but it is supposed to be a serious, long-term relationship in which both individuals are content and comfortable with one another. A relationship should not exist of a one-night-stand as is the case now especially amongst students of universities, colleges and even schools. A relationship should show that both partners are ready to sacrifice and endure for their partner; the way towards this is through marriage. Until the world realises the importance of marriage as well as its benefits and advantages, it will be faced with the endless problems caused by neglecting marriage.
Hence goal or objective of marriage is to find peace, comfort and tranquility.
This peace can only be achieved through mutual love between the spouses and not by merely one way traffic. In this verse two words are used side by side for this mutual love between the spouses. One is Mawaddah and other is Rahmah both meaning love. Scholars explain that Mawaddah is perhaps the love and infatuation between the couple while they are in their prime youth or in the early stages of the relationship, and they are attracted to one another. Rahmah, is love, kindness and consideration that they have for each other when they grow old. However, they may exercise both of these terms at the same time throughout the relationship.
Now I would like to describe some rights of the spouses. We all have two kinds of rights. There are rights which we have in our business and trade transactions. These rights are spelled out in business contracts. If these rights are not fulfilled we can go to the local justice department, and these can be enforced on the defaulting party. Then there are other rights between parents, children, spouses, and relatives. These can only be fulfilled if we show love, care, consideration, sympathy, and sincerity. There is no court system in the world which can fairly say who and how much a person is supposed to show love and consideration to others. There is no stethoscope or any other gadget to judge this. A person will only exercise these values if there is fear of Allah (SWT) and consciousness of accountability on the Day of Judgment. This is why Prophet Mohammad (SAS) sometimes gave this brief Khutba اذقىا الله
Fear Allah or be conscious of Allah (SWT) in every walk of life. This is a sufficient reminder by itself. Since, different verses of the Quran are explanations of other verses. Prophet Mohammad (SAS)
used to explain this verse by reciting the first verse of surah An-Nisa during a marriage ceremony.
O mankind be conscious of Allah (SWT) who created you from one person (Adam), and then created from him his wife and then created many men and women from them. You should also fear Allah (SWT) whom you refer to when you make your claims from others. Last but not the least, be conscious of fulfilling the rights of relatives. Since Allah (SWT) is definitely watching over you.
Why should we fear Allah (SWT)? The answer to this question is, since He created us and our very existence is due to Him. Allah (SWT) says in the Quran : Surah Al-Insan # 1
Has not a long time passed on a person when he was not even a thing worth mentioning.
Hence, if a person is twenty years old who would have known about him twenty-five years ago. Even the parents did not know. It is Allah (SWT) who created him.
Allah (SWT) is not only the creator but also our nourisher and provider. Therefore all of our loyalties belong to Him alone.
He could have created us in a variety of ways, but he created us from one person (Adam), to guide and remind us that we are in fact one family. Hence the members of this large family must always show love,respect care and consideration to one another. In this way, Islam teaches us the universal brotherhood. No other religion commands and demands from its followers to practice this universal brotherhood so emphatically as in the first verse of Surah An Nisa given above..
I would now like to explain the roles and responsibilities of spouses in light of the guidance of the Holy Quran and the teaching of Prophet Mohammad (SAS). Allah (SWT) says in surah An-Nisa: # 34
The men are overall incharge over the women. This verse is often misunderstood, due to the fact that people ignore other verses in the Qur'an pertaining to this topic. For example it does not mean that men are to act as hot headed dictators. Allah (SWT) says:
Live with them in goodness. Hence we must treat our women nicely. Allah (SWT) says: Al-Baqarah # 233
Consult your wives in matters of home life. Consultation or Shura is an important element of Islam and must be used in family unit as well. In fact there is absolutely no difference between a man and a woman as far as rights are concerned.Rights of men and women are equal in Islam. Allah (SWT) says: Al-Baqarah # 228
Women's rights over men are the same as men's rights over the women.
Each has a role which is very demanding in its own way. Only men can play men's roles the best and women can play women's roles the best.In fact, only the Creator knows the best roles for us and He assigned those accordingly.
Hence, we see that man is overall incharge but he is to consult and treat his wife nicely all the time. Man could really be in trouble because if his judgment on a final decision in a matter goes wrong, it will fire back on him. Thus he will be accountable in this world and in the life to come for it.
So far I have given a lot of instructions to men. You may be wondering if there are any instructions for women. Yes, indeed.First of all,who are the pious ladies? Allah (SWT) says: An-Nisa # 34
The pious woman is that one who whole heartily accepts man as the one who is incharge. In the absence of her husband she protects
herself and his wealth.” Wealth of course means, physical belongings as well as children. Hence, bringing up children Islamically is very important. Since, both of these obligations are difficult tasks, Allah (SWT) says that He will especially help the women to fulfill these obligations if they sincerely try.
Prophet Mohammad (SAS) gave the explanation of this verse by saying, “The best wife is the one whom when you see her you feel happy, when you ask her to do something she obeys, and when you are away she protects herself and the belongings.”
Life is not always smooth. There are some ripples. In case of any differences Allah (SWT) says: AT-Taghabun # 14
But if you pardon (them) and overlook, and forgive (their faults) then verily Allah is Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful. By forgiving you are not a loser but rather you are the winner. Therefore, do not be rude or mean towards each other in sorting out your differences. Resorting to cursing each other is an even worse behavior. For example, Prophet Mohammad (SAS) said to his companions, “Do not curse your parents.” The companions humbly said, “How can one curse one's own parents?” Prophet Mohammad (SAS) said, “When one curses another person‟s parents, then he may start to curse your parents.”
To avoid such confrontation the Quran guides us not only to forgive others but also it emphsises that we should not forget the goodness and graciousness between ourselves. Al-Baqara # 237
Do not forget the niceness between yourselves.
Allah (SWT) describes the mutual relationship between spouses in surah Al-Baqarah.# 187
WOMEN ARE MEN'S CLOTHES, AND MEN ARE WOMEN'S CLOTHES. Allah (SWT) has used a beautiful example to explain this relation. Permit me to ask you a question. What do clothes do?
First of all, the clothes protect us from heat, cold, sun, dust, etc. Similarly spouses are protectors of each other and in a way a shield for each other.
Secondly, clothes cover our defects and spots on the body. Similarly spouses know each other‟s defects and are supposed to cover these defects and not to go around saying to relatives and friends the weaknesses of their spouses.
Thirdly,the clothes add to the beauty and charm of a person. Similarly spouses add to each other‟s beauty and charm. Physically, they should be best dressed for each other and not for ceremonies only. For example, men are not supposed to be sloppily dressed at home and vise versa. Moreover, each spouse should display beautiful character and behavior to each other. If for example a woman does not have good behavior, it shows the behavior of her husband and vice versa.
Last but not the least; clothes are closest to the body. Similarly spouses are closest to each other and know each other‟s secrets. They should keep each other‟s secrets. Spouses should remain close to each other with sincere understanding. It is not proper that a woman remain closest to her relatives and a man closest to his relatives. There is no other phrase or wording in any book in the world which describes so beautifully, eloquently and comprehensively the mutual rights and responsibilities of spouses, as this tiny verse of Quran:
Shaykh Ibn Uthaymeen
A person may hear that a woman is of good character and virtuous and knowledgeable, so he may want to marry her. Or a woman may hear that a man is of good character and virtuous and knowledgeable and religiously committed, so she may want to marry him.
But contact between the two who admire one another in ways that are not Islamically acceptable is the problem, which leads to disastrous consequences.
In this case it is not permissible for the man to get in touch with the woman or for the woman to get in touch with the man, and say that he wants to marry her. Rather he should tell her wali (guardian) that he wants to marry her, or she should tell her wali that she wants to marry him, as ‘Umar (may Allaah be pleased with him) did when he offered his daughter Hafsah in marriage to Abu Bakr and ‘Uthmaan (may Allaah be pleased with them both).
But if the woman contacts the man directly, this is what leads to fitnah (temptation).
📜Source: Liqaa’aat al-Baab il-Maftooh (26/ question no. 13). Selection of a partner:
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
The first thing we should look for when marrying is how committed the person is to Islam.
Prophet Muhammad (sallallahu alayhi was sallam) said, “A woman is normally sought as a wife for her wealth, beauty, nobility, or religiousness (adherence to Islam), but choose a religious woman and you will prosper. ” (Muslim)
And he said, “A woman is married for four things, i.e., her wealth, her family status, her beauty and her religion. You should marry the religious woman (otherwise) you will be a loser. “(Bukhari)
He said, “The whole world is a provision, and the best object of benefit of the world is the pious woman. ” (Muslim)
The same holds true when looking for a husband, as the Messenger of Allaah (sallallahu alayhi was sallam) said, “When someone with whose religion and character you are satisfied asks to marry your daughter, comply with his request. If you do not do so, there will be corruption and great evil on earth. ” (Tirmidhi)
Of course, both parties have to agree to marry one another and they can not be forced to marry one another . The Messenger of Allah (sallallahu alayhi was sallam) said, “A woman whom has been previously married has more right concerning herself than her guardian, and a virgin’s consent must be asked about herself…” (Bukhari and Muslim)
The choice of a partner should be the one with the most "taqwa" (piety). The prophet recommended the suitors see each other before going through with marriage. It is unreasonable for two people to be thrown together and be expected to relate and be intimate when they know nothing of each other. The couple are permitted to look at each other with a critical eye and not a lustful one. This ruling does not contradict the ayah which says that believing men and women should lower their gaze.
- The couple, however are not permitted to be alone in a closed room or go out together alone. As the hadith says "when a man and a woman are together alone, there is a third presence i.e. shaitaan.
- There is no concept of courtship in Islam as it is practised in the west. There is no dating or living in defacto relationship or trying each other out before they commit to each other seriously. There is to be no physical relationship what so ever before marriage. The romantic notions that young people often have, have proven in most cases to be unrealistic and harmful to those involved. We only have to look at the alarming divorce rate in the west to understand this point. e.g. the couple know each other for years, are intimate, live together and so on yet somehow this does not guarantee the success of the future marriage. Romance and love simply do not equal a everlasting bond between two people.
Fact: Romance and love die out very quickly when we have to deal in the real world. The unrealistic expectations that young people have is what often contributes to the failure of their relationship.
- The west make fun of the Islamic way of marriage in particular arranged marriage, yet the irony is that statistically arranged marriages prove to be more successful and lasting than romantic types of courtship.
This is because people are blinded by the physical attraction and thus do not choose the compatible partner.
Love blinds people to potential problems in the relationship. There is an Arabic saying: which says "the mirror of love is blind, it makes zucchini into okra". Arranged marriages on the other hand, are based not on physical attraction or romantic notions but rather on critical evaluation of the compatibility of the couple.
This is why they often prove successful. I pray to Allah (SWT) that He may enable us to understand. this guidance and also to make use of it in real life,Our lord ! Bestow on us from our wives and our offspring who will be the comfort of our eyes, and make us leaders fro the muttaqun (Ameen). Be My witness Oh Allah That I have conveyed the message!!!
AssalamuAlaykumWarahmatulahiWabarakatuh
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