Anger is only one letter short of Danger The Power of Forgiveness /Advice On Dealing With Anger
Tips to Hold your Temper
Sometimes you suddenly become angry while talking to your friends or having gossips with them. You may lose your temper in return. Here are some tips to temper and become patient in those situations.
Think before you speak We are in a habit of speaking without thinking. Our words just seem to fly out of our mouths before we know it. Think for a while and evaluate that what you are going to say will be beneficial or it may hurt someone; who may become angry at you as well. Rather than wasting time on unnecessary speech or talking aimlessly engage yourself in Dhikar that is definitely very beneficial and may not harm you and your fellow human beings as well.
“If you don’t have something nice to say, don’t say anything at all”
Apologize if you hurt someone The thing or act that will hurt you may also hurt your fellow human beings you apologize if you committed the mistake to hurt someone. Though it may be pretty difficult or uncomfortable for you to accept your mistake but apologizing on what you said to hurt someone will raise your place in his mind.
Secondly, it can help better your relationship with the other person, because you are showing that you are aware of their feelings and that you care about them.
Have a good company for you Your friends company matter a lot. If you had a company of people who occasionally indulge themselves in backbiting and useless gossips, try to not sit in that company rather have friends who talk and discuss on valuable and informative topics
Abstain from backbiting Backbiting (Gheebah) and lying are big sins, and forbidden in the Quran and as mentioned in various ahadith.
Allah The Almighty says in Quran:
“And spy not, neither backbite one another. Would one of you like to eat the flesh of his dead brother? You would hate it (so hate backbiting). And fear Allah. Verily, Allah is the One Who forgives and accepts repentance, Most Merciful.”
[Surah Al-Hujurat 49:12]
It was reported that Anas [may Allah be pleased with him] said: the Messenger of Allah [peace and blessings of Allah be upon him] said:
“When I was taken up into the heavens (the Mi’raaj), I passed by some people who had nails of copper with which they were scratching their faces and chests. I said, ‘Who are these people, O Jibreel?’ He said, ‘These are the ones who used to eat the flesh of the people and slander their honour.’”
[Sahih Al-Bukhari, 6095; Abu Dawood, 4253]
Evaluate how much time you’ve spent talking aimlessly Recall your day’s memory and try to think that how much sins and bad things you have done in the whole day. Try to check that have you backbitten for someone? , have you hurt someone, and how much have you talked aimlessly.
Check before you send your chat With the advent of technology, our conversations have evolved such that we ‘speak’ to people via email conversation, Skype, teleconferences, mobile, video messaging, Facebook, Twitter etc. The speed of it all makes us sometimes hit the send button before we evaluate what we have to say.
Quick tips to avoid this:
1. For e-mails, save the message as a draft and read after one hour before you send it.
2. For instant messaging, switch to something else (a small 2 minute task for example) then switch back and see if you still want to hit the send button. Always check before you send!
Mention Allah and the Prophet’s Name in your conversions “Every gulp of air that goes out in a cause other than the cause of Allah (glorified and exalted be He) will turn to sorrow and regret on the Day of Judgment.”
Don’t let your speech be the source of regret in the Hereafter and as the hadith says:
“Make your tongue moist with remembrance of Allah (glorified and exalted be He)” [Bukhari].
Pray for yourself from the hells fire As the tongue is the most powerful weapon to affectionate someone or hurt someone, so try to control your tongue . as Allah’s Messenger (peace and blessings of Allāh be upon him) said,
“Do you know the thing which most commonly brings people into Paradise? It is fear of Allah (glorified and exalted be He) and good character. Do you know what most commonly brings people into Hell? It is the two hollow things: the mouth and the private parts” [Bukhari].
The Power of Forgiveness The Holy Qur’an teaches us that Allah is a Judge and He also punishes, but He is not bound to punish. According to Qur’an, the justice of Allah does not and will not inflict undue punishment on any believer nor will He ignore the good deed of any person. But if He wishes to forgive any sinner, He has full freedom to do that. His mercy is unlimited and His love is infinite.
Whoever desires honor [through power] – then to Allah belongs all honor. To Him ascends good speech, and righteous work raises it. But they who plot evil deeds will have a severe punishment, and the plotting of those – it will perish. (35:10)
Allah (SWT) calls Himself Al-Ghafoor (The Forgiving) at numerous occasions in the Holy Qur’an. His Mercy overtakes His punishment and anger. He is more merciful to His creations than a mother can be to her infants.
“Say: ‘O my Servants who have transgressed against their souls! Despair not of the Mercy of God: for Allah forgives all sins (except shirk): for He is Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful.’” (39:53)
We sin openly and secretly, inwardly and outwardly, major and minor, to the Creator and the creation. And whilst we may consider some sins unavoidable, it is important that we seek forgiveness from Allah daily. In fact, there are at least twenty duas of forgiveness a Muslim can make every day. No one would seek forgiveness more than the blessed Messenger of Allah (SAllahu alaihi Wa Salam) despite all of his sins being forgiven, so how about us? We steal, lie, cheat, scorn and if we do not do this with others, we certainly do this with Allah.
Despite all of this, Allah is willing to forgive us.
“And your Lord said: ‘Invoke Me, [i.e. believe in My Oneness (Islamic Monotheism)] (and ask Me for anything) I will respond to your (invocation).Verily! Those who scorn My worship [i.e. do not invoke Me, and do not believe in My Oneness, (Islamic Monotheism)] they will surely enter Hell in humiliation.” (40:60).
And again,
“And O my people! Ask forgiveness of your Lord and then repent to Him, He will send you (from the sky) abundant rain, and add strenght to your strength, so do not turn away as Mujrimun (criminals, disbelievers in the Oneness of Allah).” (11:52)
Repentance from all sins is obligatory on every adult Muslim. This is emphasized in the Holy Qur’an.
“And all of you beg Allah to forgive you all, O believers, that you may be successful.” (24:31)
However there are conditions to Taubah (seeking forgiveness). The believer must discontinue the sin as well as regret over its occurrence. He must also vow never to go back to that sin again and give back the right to whom it is due if the sin involves a man.
The Prophet saws has also informed us that repentance can be done any time during the day or night. Aboo Moosaa Al-Ash‘aree narrated that the Prophet saws said:
“Allaah holds out His Hand during the night to receive the repentance of the one who has committed wrong during the day and holds outs His Hand during the day to receive the repentance of the one who has committed wrong during the night.” (Muslim)
Indeed, Allaah is very happy when any of His slaves repents. If he responds to the call of his Lord and repents, he will have a prosperous life in this world and the good rewards in the hereafter. If he however does not repent, Allaah will punish him for his sins and He is not unjust with anyone.
Allaah also stressed while inviting the unbelievers unto repentance:
“If they then repent, it will be better for them, but if they turn away, Allah will punish them with a painful torment in this worldly life and in the Hereafter. And there is none for them on earth as a Wali (supporter, protector) or a helper.” (At-Tawbah 9:74)
The Prophet saws also said:
“Indeed, Allaah accepts the repentance of man as long as he hasnt started gargling (i.e. dying).”
Hasten to repentance and be consistent on that after every good deeds and bad ones. Allaah says:
“And turn in repentance and in obedience with true Faith (Islamic Monotheism) to your Lord and submit to Him (in Islam), before the torment comes upon you, then you will not be helped. And follow the best of that which is sent downto you from your Lord (i.e. this Qur’an, do what it orders you to do and keep away from what it forbids), before the torment comes on you suddenly while you perceive not.” (Az-Zumar 39:54-55).
So Let’s hurry up in recognizing our sins and get back to Allah (SWT) for repentance as He is the Forgiver of all sins and He Forgives whomever He wants.
Anger and Dejection—An Islamic Perspective——->
by Dr. Shahid Athar
When God created human beings, He created many emotions and desires within him, which we call human instincts. These include positive qualities such as recognizing truth and expressing it, love and compassion, pure physiological desires such as being thirsty , hungry and in need of sex.
Then there are some negative qualities such as hate and anger, with resultant violence and dejection. The angels who were the witnesses to Adam’s creation knew about some of the negative qualities of man and questioned the creation of this new being who was to create “‘mischief on earth.” (Quran 2:30)
However, at the same time, the Creator also instilled some protective mechanisms for fighting these negative instincts.
“Man was created weak,” says the Quran. During the moment of weakness, we succumb to the designs of our enemy, that is, the devil, who “will attack us from front, from behind, from the side,” in order to divert us from God consciousness and return to our true animistic nature. Thus anger by itself is not unnatural; it is the expression of anger which if done wrongfully, can lead to problems. The difference between the wild beasts and wild humans is the difference of free will.
When a lion or a wolf is angry, he does not think. When a man becomes angry as a result of provocation, he has a choice to control his anger or to respond to it as he has been taught by the teachings of prophets and saints, or forget all that and become a wild animal. Thus anger takes place when we are not in control of ourselves, but the devil is controlling us.
Anger is a de stabilizing thought. It is the most dividing emotion between friends; it takes away judgment, leads to depression, madness and wrong actions that we would repent later on when we are not angry. But why do we get angry to begin with? It is either an unexpected provocation or unexpected situation which leads to frustration and an angry response.
During anger, one can physically or verbally abuse a person that he or she loves, hurt another living being like an animal, or during the dejection phase of anger, one can even hurt him- or herself and even commit suicide.
When anger is directed toward a group of people, then it can manifest in terrorism, whether against people of other faiths or nations, or against even one’s own government as is seen in the case of the Oklahoma City bombing. However, all anger is not of satanic origin. How can we blame Satan for a child who is angry because he does not get his toy or when he is hungry ?
The point I am making is that the natural fulfillment of normal desires, whether in terms of food or sex, is a prerequisite for prevention of anger. There are many chemicals and hormones which affect our moods and behavior. It is well known that hypoglycemia and hyperthyroidism precipitate irritability and anger. We must keep our hormones in balance in addition to facilitate our spiritual well-being.
Prophet Mohammed (Pbuh), who was sent to mankind to teach them good moral conduct, learned to control his anger toward the Unbelievers and teach them appropriate expressions. He constantly spoke against being angry. One companion asked him, Give me some short advice by virtue of which I hope for good in the life hereafter, and he said, “Don’t be angry.” Another person asked, what will save me from the wrath of God, and he said, “Do not express your anger.” A third person asked three times, 0 Prophet of God, give me an order to do a short good deed, and he said, “Don’t be angry.” Once he asked a question of his companion, “Who among you do you consider a strong man?” They said, the one who can defeat so-and-so wrestler in a fight, and he said, that is not so. The one who is strong is the one who can control himself at the time of anger. He also said that anger is like fire, which destroys you from within, and it can also lead you to the fire of hell by your own expressions of anger unjustly.
Being angry is like being drunk. In both cases, we do not know what we are doing, hurting ourselves or someone else, and afterwards when the intoxication is over, we repent. Caliph Omar used to say, the one with all its goodn anger gets salvation. Shiekh Hassan Basri said that one of the signs of the Believers is that his anger will not prevail over him.
Anger should be distinguished between the natural response to wrongdoing and disbelief.
A person who has no feelings about oppression, wrongdoing and disbelief is, in fact, an impotent person emotionally. It has been said, “Evil flourishes when a few good people do not do anything to oppose it.” Thus response to injustice and operation in a civilized way is the appropriate expression of anger. Being neutral to injustice is equal to contributing to injustice. Sometimes taking arms in order to fight the oppression and injustice, in defense or in off is the basis of “the just war.” However, this “just war” is not justified on a personal level.
Caliph Ali was once fighting in a war imposed on Muslims, and the chief of the Unbelievers confronted him. During the fight, the Ali was able to overcome him, who fell down on the ground and Ali was about to kill him. This person, knowing his fate now, had no choice so he spit on the face of Ali. Ali immediately got up and left him alone. The man came running to him and asked, “You had a chance to kill me since I was defeated; how come you didn’t use your sword?” Ali said, “I have no personal animosity toward you. I was fighting you because of your disbelief, on behalf of God. If I had killed you after you spat on my face, then it would have become my personal revenge which I do not wish to take.” That Unbeliever chief became a Muslim immediately.
When Prophet Mohammed (Pbuh) became angry at someone else’s wrong actions or disbeliefs, he never expressed it with his hand or tongue. His companions knew that he was angry by looking at his face, which would be red and with some sweat on his forehead, and he would keep quiet for a moment, trying to control himself.
What happens to us physiologically when we are angry? Our heart rate and blood pressure go up; this is a direct effect of excessive adrenalin in our system. Our physical strength increases although spiritual strength decreases. Our intellect or power to reason goes away, and things we would not justify in a normal state become acceptable. The organs of our body which are otherwise under our control, become out of control. Thus, our tongues become abusive, and we would say words which would hurt someone else. Our hands are out of control, and we will hit someone or sometimes ourselves. Our feet are out of control, and we might kick some one whether a human, an animal or sometimes a broken machine.
How do we control anger? Contrary to other teaching, I believe that to root out anger is impossible and unnatural, and may even be harmful. A person who does not control or redirect the expression of anger may have built up anger within himself, which may hurt him physically. Apart from being depressed and having a feeling of dejection, during the phase of unexpressed anger, his constant, rapid heart rate and high blood pressure may harm his heart and even lead to a heart attack over the long run. Apart from being violent, during the phase of anger since his mind does not work, he may make a wrong decision about his job or personal relationship which will affect his future.
Medicine for Anger
The first preventive medicine is to avoid being too sensitive to provocation and become “deaf, dumb and mute.” It may be necessary for some people to engage in something else to divert themselves. For saints, it may be advisable to engage in remembrance of God or meditation, but for common folk, they need some worldly tools. A couple went to Prophet Mohammed and said, We have been fighting each other for many years. Each time she says something to hurt my feelings, I become angry, and then I fight back and this fight comes to such a degree that I am afraid that this verbal fight may,become physical, or we may end up divorced. So please advise how we can control our anger. He told the husband that when your wife provokes you and makes you angry, take a sip of your water in your mouth and do not swallow it or spit it out, but keep it there until she has calmed down. Well, he practiced that and a few months later, he reported back that it did work.
Since we believe that anger is an expression of satanic control, we must not let this control take over. The Prophet had advised us to say, “During anger, I seek refuge from lead to problemrotection of God.” He also advised us that when angry, one should sit down or lie down as it is not easy to hit someone else in those positions. Obviously, the best remedy is to think about God and “ask yourself a question, “are you in control of yourself, or would you allow God to take control of you?” Think of God’s anger and punishment. Is God’s wrath less than your wrath? And what happens when He expresses His wrath? We humans who seek forgiveness from God must forgive others first. When one forgive someone else, it establishes peace and tranquility in one’s heart, but at the same time, the matter of injustice or wrong actions which made one angry, become a dispute between him and God; and if one do not take revenge and forgive, God might act on ones behalf.
The first attribute of God/Allah that we Muslims are reminded (of) is Ar Rahman-Ar Rahim that is, Kind and Merciful. God Himself said, my mercy overtakes my wrath, and He told in one of the hadith qudsi , ‘O son of Adam, when you get angry, remember Me.” Thus, remembrance of God and meditation will keep us on the right track. One of the meditation words is ya Halim, which is one of the attributes of God, being the Mild One. One can also pray to God to take control of the situation and the person or the people who have caused His anger. We must also think that tone life so dear to us, is a temporary life, and we must not forget our death and destroy the life of eternity at the cost of this life. Washing one’s face with cold water or taking a cold shower is also helpful.
Thus it is important for one to redirect the energy in engaging in something else. However, the height of sainthood is to do the opposite of the provoking person expects one to do. If he expects you to rebuke him or verbally abuse him back, then one should tell him, I love you, and mention his good qualities. If he expects one to physically attack him, then one embraces him and forgives him.
That is how the saying, “turn the other cheek” came about. One will become a calm person when he makes peace with himself, his Creator and his surroundings. Anger is a costly weed; it costs one his health, life in this world, and the life in the Hereafter. This weed must be rooted out to allow the healthy plant of righteousness, piety and service to God and His creation nurture and grow.
Dejection
Dejection is a state of sad thought, depression and a feeling of being worthless. This could be a result of anger with self or someone else, unexpressed anger, failure and frustration. Dejection is a deadly disease which can harm the body acutely or on a chronic basis. and can irreversibly destroy one’s relationships. It is during this state of dejection that people have suicidal thoughts and sometimes actions. During anger, however, a person tries to manifest his verbal and physical strengthening dejection, he completely gives up, thinking he is no good. Dejection slowly builds up while anger is a more acute manifestation, which is like a moth which slowly eats away the human spirit and body.
Dejection can be the result of losses, financial or of a dear one, or even failure in work, education and business. Many times terminally ill patients, without any hope of getting better, would also be dejected. Sometimes dejection or depression is due to a chemical imbalance just like anger, whether it is a psychotropic condition with depletion of brain amines, epinephrine, norepinephrine and dopamine, or hormonal imbalance like hypothyroidism and Addison’s disease. Therefore, in all cases of depression, when a physician sees them, he does and he must evaluate them for a treatable organic cause.
The way to fight dejection again is a mind-control phenomenon. We must realize that we are not in control of our destiny. Certain failures and adversity have been designed to teach us certain lessons. We must know that someone else is in control of our past, present and future. This is what believer in God is what Caliph Ali once said, that “what makes me a believer in God is the fact that I realize that after doing everything humanly possible to make certain things go right, it goes wrong unexpectedly, making me believe that someone else was in control of that situation, not me.”
When we give good advice to our teenaged children, encouraging them to do good and avoiding something wrong and they don’t listen, as a result they get into trouble. It is human to be sad, but it is unnecessary to be dejected, thinking that I am not a good parent. We will be questioned for things we can do that we must do, but we will not be questioned on things that are beyond our control.
The remedy for dejection is hope. God made hopelessness unlawful by saying, “Do not despair of God’s mercy.” Thus, no matter at what level of despair, depression and frustration we are, whether loss of a loved one or a job, or as the result of anger from someone else, we must not give up hope as there is a ray of hope at the end of the tunnel. The greatest hope is mercy from God.
Thus, whoever has lost worldly possessions, expects and hopes that God will replace his losses in a better way. The.he person who has lost a dear one hopes to see that dear one in the life hereafter.
Hope is the medicine which keeps one alive and going, which is when we say, hang on, we mean hang onto the thread of hope. It is not unnatural to be sad over situations and events. Even Prophet Mohammed (Pbuh) used to be sad, looking at the plight of Unbelievers and their rejection of his message for oneness of God, and not becoming Muslims. And God reminded him by saying, “It is not your duty to make them Muslims, but just proclaim the truth, and God gives guidance to those whom He wishes.”
During dejection, there is darkness, but in hope, there is light. Therefore, one must pray for this light to illuminate the heart so that we can see beyond what is causing the suffering today. If I knew that I would not see tomorrow, I might get depressed, but the fact that I hope I will see tomorrow with all its goodness, the love of my family, my friends, dear ones, the flowers, the music, that I go to sleep in peace, turning myself to God. We must pray for God’s mercy and forgiveness so that we can love and forgive ourselves and God’s other creations and have peace with ourselves, our Creator and our surroundings.
We Muslims believe that all our suffering, failures and adversities are nothing but a test from God, who has said that “You will not enter Paradise until you are tested. ” He has also said, “Be sure we will test you with something of fear and hunger, a small loss in wealth and lives and the fruits (of your labors), but give glad tidings to those who patiently persevere, when afflicted with calamities, to God we belong and to Him shall we return.”’ (Chapter 2:15, 5-157).
Advice On Dealing With Anger
Anger is one of the evil whispers of Shaytan, which leads to so many evils and tragedies, of which only Allah knows their full extent. For this reason Islam has a great deal to say about this bad characteristic, and the Prophet (saws) described cures for this “disease” and ways to limit its effects, among which are the following:
(1) Seeking refuge with Allah from the Shaytan:
Sulayman ibn Sard said: “I was sitting with the Prophet (saws), and two men were slandering one another. One of them was red in the face, and the veins on his neck were standing out. The Prophet (saws) said, ‘I know a word which, if he were to say it, what he feels would go away. If he said “I seek refuge with Allah from the Shaytan,” what he feels (i.e., his anger) would go away.’” (Reported by al-Bukhari, al-Fath, 6/337)
The Prophet (saws) said: “If a man gets angry and says, ‘I seek refuge with Allah,’ his anger will go away.” (Saheeh al-Jaami‘ al-Sagheer, no. 695)
(2) Keeping silent:
The Messenger of Allah (saws) said: “If any of you becomes angry, let him keep silent.” (Reported by Imam Ahmad, al-Musnad, 1/329; see also Sahih al-Jaami‘, 693, 4027)
This is because in most cases, the angry person loses self control and could utter words of kufr (from which we seek refuge with Allah), or curses, or the word of divorce (talaaq) which would destroy his home, or words of slander which would bring him the enmity and hatred of others. So, in short, keeping silent is the solution which helps one to avoid all that.
(3) Not moving:
The Messenger of Allah (saws) said: “If any of you becomes angry and he is standing, let him sit down, so his anger will go away; if it does not go away, let him lie down.”
The narrator of this hadeeth is Abu Dharr (may Allah be pleased with him), and there is a story connected to his telling of it: he was taking his camels to drink at a trough that he owned, when some other people came along and said (to one another), “Who can compete with Abu Dharr (in bringing animals to drink) and make his hair stand on end?” A man said, “I can,” so he brought his animals and competed with Abu Dharr, with the result that the trough was broken. (i.e., Abu Dharr was expecting help in watering his camels, but instead the man misbehaved and caused the trough to be broken). Abu Dharr was standing, so he sat down, then he laid down. Someone asked him, “O Abu Dharr, why did you sit down then lie down?” He said: “The Messenger of Allah (saws) said: …” and quoted the hadeeth. (The hadeeth and this story may be found in Musnad Ahmad, 5/152; see also Sahih al-Jaami‘, no. 694).
According to another report, Abu Dharr was watering his animals at the trough, when another man made him angry, so he sat down … (Fayd al-Qadeer, al-Manaawi, 1/408)
Among the benefits of this advice given by the Prophet (saws) is the fact that it prevents the angry person from going out of control, because he could strike out and injure someone, or even kill - as we will find out shortly - or he could destroy possessions and so on. Sitting down makes it less likely that he will become overexcited, and lying down makes it even less likely that he will do something crazy or harmful. Al-‘Allaamah al-Khattaabi, may Allah have mercy on him, said in his commentary on Aboo Daawood: “One who is standing is in a position to strike and destroy, while the one who is sitting is less likely to do that, and the one who is lying down can do neither. It is possible that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) told the angry person to sit down or lie down so that he would not do something that he would later regret. And Allah knows best.”(Sunan Abee Daawood, with Ma‘aalim al-Sunan, 5/141)
(4) Following the advice of the Prophet (saws):
Abu Hurayrah, may Allah be pleased with him, reported that a man said to the Prophet (saws), “Advise me.” He said, “Do not become angry.” The man repeated his request several times, and each time the Prophet (saws) told him, “Do not become angry.”(Reported by al-Bukhari, Fath al-Baaree, 10/456)
According to another report, the man said: “I thought about what the Prophet (saws) said, and I realized that anger combines all kinds of evil.”(Musnad Ahmad, 5/373)
(5) Do not become angry and Paradise will be yours (a saheeh hadeeth, see Saheeh al-Jaam‘, 7374. Ibn Hajr attributed it to al-Tabaraanee, see al-Fath 4/465):
Remembering what Allah has promised to the righteous (muttaqeen) who keep away from the causes of anger and struggle within themselves to control it, is one of the most effective ways of extinguishing the flames of anger. One of the ahaadeeth that describe the great reward for doing this is: “Whoever controls his anger at the time when he has the means to act upon it, Allah will fill his heart with contentment on the Day of Resurrection.”(Reported by al-Tabaraanee, 12/453, see also Sahih al-Jaami‘, 6518)
Another great reward is described in the Prophet’s (saws) words: “Whoever controls his anger at the time when he has the means to act upon it, Allah will call him before all of mankind on the Day of Resurrection, and will let him choose of the Hoor al-‘Ayn whoever he wants.”(Reported by Aboo Daawood, 4777, and others. It is classified as hasan in Sahih al-Jaami‘, 6518).
(6) Knowing the high status and advantages offered to those who control themselves:
The Messenger of Allah (saws) said: “The strong man is not the one who can overpower others (in wrestling); rather, the strong man is the one who controls himself when he gets angry.” (Reported by Ahmad, 2/236; the hadeeth is agreed upon) . The greater the anger, the higher the status of the one who controls himself. The Prophet (saws) said: “The strongest man is the one who, when he gets angry and his face reddens and his hackles rise, is able to defeat his anger.” (Reported by Imam Ahmad, 5/367, and classified as hasan in Saheeh al-Jaami‘, 3859)
Anas reported that the Prophet (saws) passed by some people who were wrestling. He asked, “What is this?” They said: “So-and-so is the strongest, he can beat anybody.” The Prophet (saws) said, “Shall I not tell you who is even stronger then him? The man who, when he is mistreated by another, controls his anger, has defeated his own Shaytan and the Shaytan of the one who made him angry.”(Reported by al-Bazzaar, and Ibn Hajr said its isnaad is saheeh. Al-Fath, 10/519)
(7) Following the Prophet’s (saws) example in the case of anger:
The Prophet (saws) is our leader and has set the highest example in this matter, as is recorded in a number of ahaadeeth. One of the most famous was reported by Anas, may Allah be pleased with him, who said: “I was walking with the Messenger of Allah (saws), and he was wearing a Najraanee cloak with a rough collar. A Bedouin came and seized him roughly by the edge of his cloak, and I saw the marks left on his neck by the collar. Then the Bedouin ordered him to give him some of the wealth of Allaah that he had. The Prophet (saws) turned to him and smiled, then ordered that he should be given something.”(Agreed upon. Fath al-Baaree, 10/375)
Another way in which we can follow the example of the Prophet (saws) is by making our anger for the sake of Allah, when His rights are violated. This is the kind of anger which is praiseworthy. So the Prophet (saws) became angry when he was told about the imam who was putting people off the prayer by making it too long; when he saw a curtain with pictures of animate creatures in ‘Aa’ishah’s house; when Usaamah spoke to him about the Makhzoomee woman who had been convicted of theft, and he said “Do you seek to intervene concerning one of the punishments prescribed by Allah?”; when he was asked questions that he disliked, and so on. His anger was purely for the sake of Allah.
(8) Knowing that resisting anger is one of the signs of righteousness (taqwaa):
The righteous (al-muttaqoon) are those praised by Allah in the Qur’an and by His Messenger (saws). Paradise as wide as heaven and earth has been prepared for them. One of their characteristics is that they (interpretation of the meaning) “spend (in Allah’s Cause) in prosperity and in adversity, [they] repress anger, and [they] pardon men; verily, Allah loves al-muhsinoon (the good-doers).” [Aal ‘Imraan 3:134]
These are the ones whose good character and beautiful attributes and deeds Allaah has mentioned, and whom people admire and want to emulate. One of their characteristics is that (interpretation of the meaning) “… when they are angry, they forgive.” [al-Shooraa 42:47]
(9) Listening to reminders:
Anger is a part of human nature, and people vary in their anger. It may be difficult for a man not to get angry, but sincere people will remember Allah when they are reminded, and they will not overstep the mark. Some examples follow:
Ibn ‘Abbaas (may Allah be pleased with him) reported that a man sought permission to speak to ‘Umar ibn al-Khattaab (may Allah be pleased with him), then he said: “O son of al-Khattaab, you are not giving us much and you are not judging fairly between us.” ‘Umar (may Allah be pleased with him) was so angry that he was about to attack the man, but al-Hurr ibn Qays, who was one of those present, said: “O Ameer al-Mu’mineen, Allah said to His Prophet (saws) (interpretation of the meaning): ‘Show forgiveness, enjoin what is good, and turn away from the foolish’ [al-A‘raaf 7:199]. This man is one of the foolish.” By Allah, ‘Umar could go no further after al-Hurr had recited this aayah to him, and he was a man who was careful to adhere to the Book of Allah.(Reported by al-Bukhari, al-Fath, 4/304).
This is how the Muslim should be. The evil munaafiq (hypocrite) was not like this when he was told the hadeeth of the Prophet (saws) and one of the Companions said to him, “Seek refuge with Allah from the Shaytan.” He said to the one who reminded him, “Do you think I am crazy? Go away!”(Reported by al-Bukhari, al-Fath, 1/465). We seek refuge with Allah from failure.
(10) Knowing the bad effects of anger:
The negative effects of anger are many; in short they cause damage to one’s own self and to others. The angry person may utter words of slander and obscenity, he may attack others (physically) in an uncontrolled manner, even to the point of killing. The following story contains a valuable lesson:
‘Ilqimah ibn Waa’il reported that his father (may Allah be pleased with him) told him: “I was sitting with the Prophet (saws) when a man came to him leading another man by a rope. He said, ‘O Messenger of Allah, this man killed my brother.’ The Messenger of Allah (saws) asked him, ‘Did you kill him?’ He said, ‘Yes, I killed him.’ He asked, ‘How did you kill him?’ He said, ‘He and I were hitting a tree to make the leaves fall, for animal feed, and he slandered me, so I struck him on the side of the head with an axe, and killed him.’ …” (Reported by Muslim, 1307, edited by al-Baaqi).
Anger could lead to less than killing, such as wounding and breaking bones. If the one who caused the anger runs away, the angry person turns his anger in on himself, so he may tear his clothes, or strike his cheeks, or have a fit, or fall unconscious, or he may break dishes and plates, or break furniture.
In the worst cases, anger results in social disasters and the breaking of family ties, i.e., divorce. Ask many of those who divorced their wives, and they will tell you: it was in a moment of anger. This divorce results in misery for the children, regret and frustration, a hard and difficult life, all as a result of anger. If they had remembered Allah, come to their senses, restrained their anger and sought refuge with Allah, none of this would have happened. Going against the Shariah only results in loss.
The damage to health that results from anger can only be described by doctors, such as thrombosis, high blood pressure, tachycardia (abnormally rapid heartbeat) and hyperventilation (rapid, shallow breathing), which can lead to fatal heart attacks, diabetes, etc. We ask Allah for good health.
(11) The angry person should think about himself during moments of anger:
If the angry person could see himself in the mirror when he is angry, he would hate himself and the way he looks. If he could see the way he changes, and the way his body and limbs shake, how his eyes glare and how out of control and crazy his behaviour is, he would despise himself and be revolted by his own appearance. It is well-known that inner ugliness is even worse than outer ugliness; how happy the Shaytan must be when a person is in this state! We seek refuge with Allah from the Shaytan and from failure.
(12) Du‘aa’:
Du’a’ is always the weapon of the believer, whereby he asks Allah to protect him from evil, trouble and bad behaviour and seeks refuge with Him from falling into the pit of kufr or wrongdoing because of anger. One of the three things that can help save him is: being fair at times of contentment and of anger (Saheeh al-Jaami‘, 3039). One of the du‘aa’s of the Prophet (saws) was:
“O Allah, by Your knowledge of the Unseen and Your power over Your creation, keep me alive for as long as You know life is good for me, and cause me to die when You know death is good for me. O Allah, I ask You to make me fear You in secret and in public, and I ask You to make me speak the truth in times of contentment and of anger. I ask You not to let me be extravagant in poverty or in prosperity. I ask You for continuous blessings, and for contentment that does not end. I ask You to let me accept Your decree, and for a good life after death. I ask You for the joy of seeing Your face and for the longing to meet You, without going through diseases and misguiding fitnah (trials). O Allah, adorn us with the adornment of faith and make us among those who are guided. Praise be to Allah, the Lord of the Worlds.”
Tips to Hold your Temper
Sometimes you suddenly become angry while talking to your friends or having gossips with them. You may lose your temper in return. Here are some tips to temper and become patient in those situations.
Think before you speak We are in a habit of speaking without thinking. Our words just seem to fly out of our mouths before we know it. Think for a while and evaluate that what you are going to say will be beneficial or it may hurt someone; who may become angry at you as well. Rather than wasting time on unnecessary speech or talking aimlessly engage yourself in Dhikar that is definitely very beneficial and may not harm you and your fellow human beings as well.
“If you don’t have something nice to say, don’t say anything at all”
Apologize if you hurt someone The thing or act that will hurt you may also hurt your fellow human beings you apologize if you committed the mistake to hurt someone. Though it may be pretty difficult or uncomfortable for you to accept your mistake but apologizing on what you said to hurt someone will raise your place in his mind.
Secondly, it can help better your relationship with the other person, because you are showing that you are aware of their feelings and that you care about them.
Have a good company for you Your friends company matter a lot. If you had a company of people who occasionally indulge themselves in backbiting and useless gossips, try to not sit in that company rather have friends who talk and discuss on valuable and informative topics
Abstain from backbiting Backbiting (Gheebah) and lying are big sins, and forbidden in the Quran and as mentioned in various ahadith.
Allah The Almighty says in Quran:
“And spy not, neither backbite one another. Would one of you like to eat the flesh of his dead brother? You would hate it (so hate backbiting). And fear Allah. Verily, Allah is the One Who forgives and accepts repentance, Most Merciful.”
[Surah Al-Hujurat 49:12]
It was reported that Anas [may Allah be pleased with him] said: the Messenger of Allah [peace and blessings of Allah be upon him] said:
“When I was taken up into the heavens (the Mi’raaj), I passed by some people who had nails of copper with which they were scratching their faces and chests. I said, ‘Who are these people, O Jibreel?’ He said, ‘These are the ones who used to eat the flesh of the people and slander their honour.’”
[Sahih Al-Bukhari, 6095; Abu Dawood, 4253]
Evaluate how much time you’ve spent talking aimlessly Recall your day’s memory and try to think that how much sins and bad things you have done in the whole day. Try to check that have you backbitten for someone? , have you hurt someone, and how much have you talked aimlessly.
Check before you send your chat With the advent of technology, our conversations have evolved such that we ‘speak’ to people via email conversation, Skype, teleconferences, mobile, video messaging, Facebook, Twitter etc. The speed of it all makes us sometimes hit the send button before we evaluate what we have to say.
Quick tips to avoid this:
1. For e-mails, save the message as a draft and read after one hour before you send it.
2. For instant messaging, switch to something else (a small 2 minute task for example) then switch back and see if you still want to hit the send button. Always check before you send!
Mention Allah and the Prophet’s Name in your conversions “Every gulp of air that goes out in a cause other than the cause of Allah (glorified and exalted be He) will turn to sorrow and regret on the Day of Judgment.”
Don’t let your speech be the source of regret in the Hereafter and as the hadith says:
“Make your tongue moist with remembrance of Allah (glorified and exalted be He)” [Bukhari].
Pray for yourself from the hells fire As the tongue is the most powerful weapon to affectionate someone or hurt someone, so try to control your tongue . as Allah’s Messenger (peace and blessings of Allāh be upon him) said,
“Do you know the thing which most commonly brings people into Paradise? It is fear of Allah (glorified and exalted be He) and good character. Do you know what most commonly brings people into Hell? It is the two hollow things: the mouth and the private parts” [Bukhari].
The Power of Forgiveness The Holy Qur’an teaches us that Allah is a Judge and He also punishes, but He is not bound to punish. According to Qur’an, the justice of Allah does not and will not inflict undue punishment on any believer nor will He ignore the good deed of any person. But if He wishes to forgive any sinner, He has full freedom to do that. His mercy is unlimited and His love is infinite.
Whoever desires honor [through power] – then to Allah belongs all honor. To Him ascends good speech, and righteous work raises it. But they who plot evil deeds will have a severe punishment, and the plotting of those – it will perish. (35:10)
Allah (SWT) calls Himself Al-Ghafoor (The Forgiving) at numerous occasions in the Holy Qur’an. His Mercy overtakes His punishment and anger. He is more merciful to His creations than a mother can be to her infants.
“Say: ‘O my Servants who have transgressed against their souls! Despair not of the Mercy of God: for Allah forgives all sins (except shirk): for He is Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful.’” (39:53)
We sin openly and secretly, inwardly and outwardly, major and minor, to the Creator and the creation. And whilst we may consider some sins unavoidable, it is important that we seek forgiveness from Allah daily. In fact, there are at least twenty duas of forgiveness a Muslim can make every day. No one would seek forgiveness more than the blessed Messenger of Allah (SAllahu alaihi Wa Salam) despite all of his sins being forgiven, so how about us? We steal, lie, cheat, scorn and if we do not do this with others, we certainly do this with Allah.
Despite all of this, Allah is willing to forgive us.
“And your Lord said: ‘Invoke Me, [i.e. believe in My Oneness (Islamic Monotheism)] (and ask Me for anything) I will respond to your (invocation).Verily! Those who scorn My worship [i.e. do not invoke Me, and do not believe in My Oneness, (Islamic Monotheism)] they will surely enter Hell in humiliation.” (40:60).
And again,
“And O my people! Ask forgiveness of your Lord and then repent to Him, He will send you (from the sky) abundant rain, and add strenght to your strength, so do not turn away as Mujrimun (criminals, disbelievers in the Oneness of Allah).” (11:52)
Repentance from all sins is obligatory on every adult Muslim. This is emphasized in the Holy Qur’an.
“And all of you beg Allah to forgive you all, O believers, that you may be successful.” (24:31)
However there are conditions to Taubah (seeking forgiveness). The believer must discontinue the sin as well as regret over its occurrence. He must also vow never to go back to that sin again and give back the right to whom it is due if the sin involves a man.
The Prophet saws has also informed us that repentance can be done any time during the day or night. Aboo Moosaa Al-Ash‘aree narrated that the Prophet saws said:
“Allaah holds out His Hand during the night to receive the repentance of the one who has committed wrong during the day and holds outs His Hand during the day to receive the repentance of the one who has committed wrong during the night.” (Muslim)
Indeed, Allaah is very happy when any of His slaves repents. If he responds to the call of his Lord and repents, he will have a prosperous life in this world and the good rewards in the hereafter. If he however does not repent, Allaah will punish him for his sins and He is not unjust with anyone.
Allaah also stressed while inviting the unbelievers unto repentance:
“If they then repent, it will be better for them, but if they turn away, Allah will punish them with a painful torment in this worldly life and in the Hereafter. And there is none for them on earth as a Wali (supporter, protector) or a helper.” (At-Tawbah 9:74)
The Prophet saws also said:
“Indeed, Allaah accepts the repentance of man as long as he hasnt started gargling (i.e. dying).”
Hasten to repentance and be consistent on that after every good deeds and bad ones. Allaah says:
“And turn in repentance and in obedience with true Faith (Islamic Monotheism) to your Lord and submit to Him (in Islam), before the torment comes upon you, then you will not be helped. And follow the best of that which is sent downto you from your Lord (i.e. this Qur’an, do what it orders you to do and keep away from what it forbids), before the torment comes on you suddenly while you perceive not.” (Az-Zumar 39:54-55).
So Let’s hurry up in recognizing our sins and get back to Allah (SWT) for repentance as He is the Forgiver of all sins and He Forgives whomever He wants.
Anger and Dejection—An Islamic Perspective——->
by Dr. Shahid Athar
When God created human beings, He created many emotions and desires within him, which we call human instincts. These include positive qualities such as recognizing truth and expressing it, love and compassion, pure physiological desires such as being thirsty , hungry and in need of sex.
Then there are some negative qualities such as hate and anger, with resultant violence and dejection. The angels who were the witnesses to Adam’s creation knew about some of the negative qualities of man and questioned the creation of this new being who was to create “‘mischief on earth.” (Quran 2:30)
However, at the same time, the Creator also instilled some protective mechanisms for fighting these negative instincts.
“Man was created weak,” says the Quran. During the moment of weakness, we succumb to the designs of our enemy, that is, the devil, who “will attack us from front, from behind, from the side,” in order to divert us from God consciousness and return to our true animistic nature. Thus anger by itself is not unnatural; it is the expression of anger which if done wrongfully, can lead to problems. The difference between the wild beasts and wild humans is the difference of free will.
When a lion or a wolf is angry, he does not think. When a man becomes angry as a result of provocation, he has a choice to control his anger or to respond to it as he has been taught by the teachings of prophets and saints, or forget all that and become a wild animal. Thus anger takes place when we are not in control of ourselves, but the devil is controlling us.
Anger is a de stabilizing thought. It is the most dividing emotion between friends; it takes away judgment, leads to depression, madness and wrong actions that we would repent later on when we are not angry. But why do we get angry to begin with? It is either an unexpected provocation or unexpected situation which leads to frustration and an angry response.
During anger, one can physically or verbally abuse a person that he or she loves, hurt another living being like an animal, or during the dejection phase of anger, one can even hurt him- or herself and even commit suicide.
When anger is directed toward a group of people, then it can manifest in terrorism, whether against people of other faiths or nations, or against even one’s own government as is seen in the case of the Oklahoma City bombing. However, all anger is not of satanic origin. How can we blame Satan for a child who is angry because he does not get his toy or when he is hungry ?
The point I am making is that the natural fulfillment of normal desires, whether in terms of food or sex, is a prerequisite for prevention of anger. There are many chemicals and hormones which affect our moods and behavior. It is well known that hypoglycemia and hyperthyroidism precipitate irritability and anger. We must keep our hormones in balance in addition to facilitate our spiritual well-being.
Prophet Mohammed (Pbuh), who was sent to mankind to teach them good moral conduct, learned to control his anger toward the Unbelievers and teach them appropriate expressions. He constantly spoke against being angry. One companion asked him, Give me some short advice by virtue of which I hope for good in the life hereafter, and he said, “Don’t be angry.” Another person asked, what will save me from the wrath of God, and he said, “Do not express your anger.” A third person asked three times, 0 Prophet of God, give me an order to do a short good deed, and he said, “Don’t be angry.” Once he asked a question of his companion, “Who among you do you consider a strong man?” They said, the one who can defeat so-and-so wrestler in a fight, and he said, that is not so. The one who is strong is the one who can control himself at the time of anger. He also said that anger is like fire, which destroys you from within, and it can also lead you to the fire of hell by your own expressions of anger unjustly.
Being angry is like being drunk. In both cases, we do not know what we are doing, hurting ourselves or someone else, and afterwards when the intoxication is over, we repent. Caliph Omar used to say, the one with all its goodn anger gets salvation. Shiekh Hassan Basri said that one of the signs of the Believers is that his anger will not prevail over him.
Anger should be distinguished between the natural response to wrongdoing and disbelief.
A person who has no feelings about oppression, wrongdoing and disbelief is, in fact, an impotent person emotionally. It has been said, “Evil flourishes when a few good people do not do anything to oppose it.” Thus response to injustice and operation in a civilized way is the appropriate expression of anger. Being neutral to injustice is equal to contributing to injustice. Sometimes taking arms in order to fight the oppression and injustice, in defense or in off is the basis of “the just war.” However, this “just war” is not justified on a personal level.
Caliph Ali was once fighting in a war imposed on Muslims, and the chief of the Unbelievers confronted him. During the fight, the Ali was able to overcome him, who fell down on the ground and Ali was about to kill him. This person, knowing his fate now, had no choice so he spit on the face of Ali. Ali immediately got up and left him alone. The man came running to him and asked, “You had a chance to kill me since I was defeated; how come you didn’t use your sword?” Ali said, “I have no personal animosity toward you. I was fighting you because of your disbelief, on behalf of God. If I had killed you after you spat on my face, then it would have become my personal revenge which I do not wish to take.” That Unbeliever chief became a Muslim immediately.
When Prophet Mohammed (Pbuh) became angry at someone else’s wrong actions or disbeliefs, he never expressed it with his hand or tongue. His companions knew that he was angry by looking at his face, which would be red and with some sweat on his forehead, and he would keep quiet for a moment, trying to control himself.
What happens to us physiologically when we are angry? Our heart rate and blood pressure go up; this is a direct effect of excessive adrenalin in our system. Our physical strength increases although spiritual strength decreases. Our intellect or power to reason goes away, and things we would not justify in a normal state become acceptable. The organs of our body which are otherwise under our control, become out of control. Thus, our tongues become abusive, and we would say words which would hurt someone else. Our hands are out of control, and we will hit someone or sometimes ourselves. Our feet are out of control, and we might kick some one whether a human, an animal or sometimes a broken machine.
How do we control anger? Contrary to other teaching, I believe that to root out anger is impossible and unnatural, and may even be harmful. A person who does not control or redirect the expression of anger may have built up anger within himself, which may hurt him physically. Apart from being depressed and having a feeling of dejection, during the phase of unexpressed anger, his constant, rapid heart rate and high blood pressure may harm his heart and even lead to a heart attack over the long run. Apart from being violent, during the phase of anger since his mind does not work, he may make a wrong decision about his job or personal relationship which will affect his future.
Medicine for Anger
The first preventive medicine is to avoid being too sensitive to provocation and become “deaf, dumb and mute.” It may be necessary for some people to engage in something else to divert themselves. For saints, it may be advisable to engage in remembrance of God or meditation, but for common folk, they need some worldly tools. A couple went to Prophet Mohammed and said, We have been fighting each other for many years. Each time she says something to hurt my feelings, I become angry, and then I fight back and this fight comes to such a degree that I am afraid that this verbal fight may,become physical, or we may end up divorced. So please advise how we can control our anger. He told the husband that when your wife provokes you and makes you angry, take a sip of your water in your mouth and do not swallow it or spit it out, but keep it there until she has calmed down. Well, he practiced that and a few months later, he reported back that it did work.
Since we believe that anger is an expression of satanic control, we must not let this control take over. The Prophet had advised us to say, “During anger, I seek refuge from lead to problemrotection of God.” He also advised us that when angry, one should sit down or lie down as it is not easy to hit someone else in those positions. Obviously, the best remedy is to think about God and “ask yourself a question, “are you in control of yourself, or would you allow God to take control of you?” Think of God’s anger and punishment. Is God’s wrath less than your wrath? And what happens when He expresses His wrath? We humans who seek forgiveness from God must forgive others first. When one forgive someone else, it establishes peace and tranquility in one’s heart, but at the same time, the matter of injustice or wrong actions which made one angry, become a dispute between him and God; and if one do not take revenge and forgive, God might act on ones behalf.
The first attribute of God/Allah that we Muslims are reminded (of) is Ar Rahman-Ar Rahim that is, Kind and Merciful. God Himself said, my mercy overtakes my wrath, and He told in one of the hadith qudsi , ‘O son of Adam, when you get angry, remember Me.” Thus, remembrance of God and meditation will keep us on the right track. One of the meditation words is ya Halim, which is one of the attributes of God, being the Mild One. One can also pray to God to take control of the situation and the person or the people who have caused His anger. We must also think that tone life so dear to us, is a temporary life, and we must not forget our death and destroy the life of eternity at the cost of this life. Washing one’s face with cold water or taking a cold shower is also helpful.
Thus it is important for one to redirect the energy in engaging in something else. However, the height of sainthood is to do the opposite of the provoking person expects one to do. If he expects you to rebuke him or verbally abuse him back, then one should tell him, I love you, and mention his good qualities. If he expects one to physically attack him, then one embraces him and forgives him.
That is how the saying, “turn the other cheek” came about. One will become a calm person when he makes peace with himself, his Creator and his surroundings. Anger is a costly weed; it costs one his health, life in this world, and the life in the Hereafter. This weed must be rooted out to allow the healthy plant of righteousness, piety and service to God and His creation nurture and grow.
Dejection
Dejection is a state of sad thought, depression and a feeling of being worthless. This could be a result of anger with self or someone else, unexpressed anger, failure and frustration. Dejection is a deadly disease which can harm the body acutely or on a chronic basis. and can irreversibly destroy one’s relationships. It is during this state of dejection that people have suicidal thoughts and sometimes actions. During anger, however, a person tries to manifest his verbal and physical strengthening dejection, he completely gives up, thinking he is no good. Dejection slowly builds up while anger is a more acute manifestation, which is like a moth which slowly eats away the human spirit and body.
Dejection can be the result of losses, financial or of a dear one, or even failure in work, education and business. Many times terminally ill patients, without any hope of getting better, would also be dejected. Sometimes dejection or depression is due to a chemical imbalance just like anger, whether it is a psychotropic condition with depletion of brain amines, epinephrine, norepinephrine and dopamine, or hormonal imbalance like hypothyroidism and Addison’s disease. Therefore, in all cases of depression, when a physician sees them, he does and he must evaluate them for a treatable organic cause.
The way to fight dejection again is a mind-control phenomenon. We must realize that we are not in control of our destiny. Certain failures and adversity have been designed to teach us certain lessons. We must know that someone else is in control of our past, present and future. This is what believer in God is what Caliph Ali once said, that “what makes me a believer in God is the fact that I realize that after doing everything humanly possible to make certain things go right, it goes wrong unexpectedly, making me believe that someone else was in control of that situation, not me.”
When we give good advice to our teenaged children, encouraging them to do good and avoiding something wrong and they don’t listen, as a result they get into trouble. It is human to be sad, but it is unnecessary to be dejected, thinking that I am not a good parent. We will be questioned for things we can do that we must do, but we will not be questioned on things that are beyond our control.
The remedy for dejection is hope. God made hopelessness unlawful by saying, “Do not despair of God’s mercy.” Thus, no matter at what level of despair, depression and frustration we are, whether loss of a loved one or a job, or as the result of anger from someone else, we must not give up hope as there is a ray of hope at the end of the tunnel. The greatest hope is mercy from God.
Thus, whoever has lost worldly possessions, expects and hopes that God will replace his losses in a better way. The.he person who has lost a dear one hopes to see that dear one in the life hereafter.
Hope is the medicine which keeps one alive and going, which is when we say, hang on, we mean hang onto the thread of hope. It is not unnatural to be sad over situations and events. Even Prophet Mohammed (Pbuh) used to be sad, looking at the plight of Unbelievers and their rejection of his message for oneness of God, and not becoming Muslims. And God reminded him by saying, “It is not your duty to make them Muslims, but just proclaim the truth, and God gives guidance to those whom He wishes.”
During dejection, there is darkness, but in hope, there is light. Therefore, one must pray for this light to illuminate the heart so that we can see beyond what is causing the suffering today. If I knew that I would not see tomorrow, I might get depressed, but the fact that I hope I will see tomorrow with all its goodness, the love of my family, my friends, dear ones, the flowers, the music, that I go to sleep in peace, turning myself to God. We must pray for God’s mercy and forgiveness so that we can love and forgive ourselves and God’s other creations and have peace with ourselves, our Creator and our surroundings.
We Muslims believe that all our suffering, failures and adversities are nothing but a test from God, who has said that “You will not enter Paradise until you are tested. ” He has also said, “Be sure we will test you with something of fear and hunger, a small loss in wealth and lives and the fruits (of your labors), but give glad tidings to those who patiently persevere, when afflicted with calamities, to God we belong and to Him shall we return.”’ (Chapter 2:15, 5-157).
Advice On Dealing With Anger
Anger is one of the evil whispers of Shaytan, which leads to so many evils and tragedies, of which only Allah knows their full extent. For this reason Islam has a great deal to say about this bad characteristic, and the Prophet (saws) described cures for this “disease” and ways to limit its effects, among which are the following:
(1) Seeking refuge with Allah from the Shaytan:
Sulayman ibn Sard said: “I was sitting with the Prophet (saws), and two men were slandering one another. One of them was red in the face, and the veins on his neck were standing out. The Prophet (saws) said, ‘I know a word which, if he were to say it, what he feels would go away. If he said “I seek refuge with Allah from the Shaytan,” what he feels (i.e., his anger) would go away.’” (Reported by al-Bukhari, al-Fath, 6/337)
The Prophet (saws) said: “If a man gets angry and says, ‘I seek refuge with Allah,’ his anger will go away.” (Saheeh al-Jaami‘ al-Sagheer, no. 695)
(2) Keeping silent:
The Messenger of Allah (saws) said: “If any of you becomes angry, let him keep silent.” (Reported by Imam Ahmad, al-Musnad, 1/329; see also Sahih al-Jaami‘, 693, 4027)
This is because in most cases, the angry person loses self control and could utter words of kufr (from which we seek refuge with Allah), or curses, or the word of divorce (talaaq) which would destroy his home, or words of slander which would bring him the enmity and hatred of others. So, in short, keeping silent is the solution which helps one to avoid all that.
(3) Not moving:
The Messenger of Allah (saws) said: “If any of you becomes angry and he is standing, let him sit down, so his anger will go away; if it does not go away, let him lie down.”
The narrator of this hadeeth is Abu Dharr (may Allah be pleased with him), and there is a story connected to his telling of it: he was taking his camels to drink at a trough that he owned, when some other people came along and said (to one another), “Who can compete with Abu Dharr (in bringing animals to drink) and make his hair stand on end?” A man said, “I can,” so he brought his animals and competed with Abu Dharr, with the result that the trough was broken. (i.e., Abu Dharr was expecting help in watering his camels, but instead the man misbehaved and caused the trough to be broken). Abu Dharr was standing, so he sat down, then he laid down. Someone asked him, “O Abu Dharr, why did you sit down then lie down?” He said: “The Messenger of Allah (saws) said: …” and quoted the hadeeth. (The hadeeth and this story may be found in Musnad Ahmad, 5/152; see also Sahih al-Jaami‘, no. 694).
According to another report, Abu Dharr was watering his animals at the trough, when another man made him angry, so he sat down … (Fayd al-Qadeer, al-Manaawi, 1/408)
Among the benefits of this advice given by the Prophet (saws) is the fact that it prevents the angry person from going out of control, because he could strike out and injure someone, or even kill - as we will find out shortly - or he could destroy possessions and so on. Sitting down makes it less likely that he will become overexcited, and lying down makes it even less likely that he will do something crazy or harmful. Al-‘Allaamah al-Khattaabi, may Allah have mercy on him, said in his commentary on Aboo Daawood: “One who is standing is in a position to strike and destroy, while the one who is sitting is less likely to do that, and the one who is lying down can do neither. It is possible that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) told the angry person to sit down or lie down so that he would not do something that he would later regret. And Allah knows best.”(Sunan Abee Daawood, with Ma‘aalim al-Sunan, 5/141)
(4) Following the advice of the Prophet (saws):
Abu Hurayrah, may Allah be pleased with him, reported that a man said to the Prophet (saws), “Advise me.” He said, “Do not become angry.” The man repeated his request several times, and each time the Prophet (saws) told him, “Do not become angry.”(Reported by al-Bukhari, Fath al-Baaree, 10/456)
According to another report, the man said: “I thought about what the Prophet (saws) said, and I realized that anger combines all kinds of evil.”(Musnad Ahmad, 5/373)
(5) Do not become angry and Paradise will be yours (a saheeh hadeeth, see Saheeh al-Jaam‘, 7374. Ibn Hajr attributed it to al-Tabaraanee, see al-Fath 4/465):
Remembering what Allah has promised to the righteous (muttaqeen) who keep away from the causes of anger and struggle within themselves to control it, is one of the most effective ways of extinguishing the flames of anger. One of the ahaadeeth that describe the great reward for doing this is: “Whoever controls his anger at the time when he has the means to act upon it, Allah will fill his heart with contentment on the Day of Resurrection.”(Reported by al-Tabaraanee, 12/453, see also Sahih al-Jaami‘, 6518)
Another great reward is described in the Prophet’s (saws) words: “Whoever controls his anger at the time when he has the means to act upon it, Allah will call him before all of mankind on the Day of Resurrection, and will let him choose of the Hoor al-‘Ayn whoever he wants.”(Reported by Aboo Daawood, 4777, and others. It is classified as hasan in Sahih al-Jaami‘, 6518).
(6) Knowing the high status and advantages offered to those who control themselves:
The Messenger of Allah (saws) said: “The strong man is not the one who can overpower others (in wrestling); rather, the strong man is the one who controls himself when he gets angry.” (Reported by Ahmad, 2/236; the hadeeth is agreed upon) . The greater the anger, the higher the status of the one who controls himself. The Prophet (saws) said: “The strongest man is the one who, when he gets angry and his face reddens and his hackles rise, is able to defeat his anger.” (Reported by Imam Ahmad, 5/367, and classified as hasan in Saheeh al-Jaami‘, 3859)
Anas reported that the Prophet (saws) passed by some people who were wrestling. He asked, “What is this?” They said: “So-and-so is the strongest, he can beat anybody.” The Prophet (saws) said, “Shall I not tell you who is even stronger then him? The man who, when he is mistreated by another, controls his anger, has defeated his own Shaytan and the Shaytan of the one who made him angry.”(Reported by al-Bazzaar, and Ibn Hajr said its isnaad is saheeh. Al-Fath, 10/519)
(7) Following the Prophet’s (saws) example in the case of anger:
The Prophet (saws) is our leader and has set the highest example in this matter, as is recorded in a number of ahaadeeth. One of the most famous was reported by Anas, may Allah be pleased with him, who said: “I was walking with the Messenger of Allah (saws), and he was wearing a Najraanee cloak with a rough collar. A Bedouin came and seized him roughly by the edge of his cloak, and I saw the marks left on his neck by the collar. Then the Bedouin ordered him to give him some of the wealth of Allaah that he had. The Prophet (saws) turned to him and smiled, then ordered that he should be given something.”(Agreed upon. Fath al-Baaree, 10/375)
Another way in which we can follow the example of the Prophet (saws) is by making our anger for the sake of Allah, when His rights are violated. This is the kind of anger which is praiseworthy. So the Prophet (saws) became angry when he was told about the imam who was putting people off the prayer by making it too long; when he saw a curtain with pictures of animate creatures in ‘Aa’ishah’s house; when Usaamah spoke to him about the Makhzoomee woman who had been convicted of theft, and he said “Do you seek to intervene concerning one of the punishments prescribed by Allah?”; when he was asked questions that he disliked, and so on. His anger was purely for the sake of Allah.
(8) Knowing that resisting anger is one of the signs of righteousness (taqwaa):
The righteous (al-muttaqoon) are those praised by Allah in the Qur’an and by His Messenger (saws). Paradise as wide as heaven and earth has been prepared for them. One of their characteristics is that they (interpretation of the meaning) “spend (in Allah’s Cause) in prosperity and in adversity, [they] repress anger, and [they] pardon men; verily, Allah loves al-muhsinoon (the good-doers).” [Aal ‘Imraan 3:134]
These are the ones whose good character and beautiful attributes and deeds Allaah has mentioned, and whom people admire and want to emulate. One of their characteristics is that (interpretation of the meaning) “… when they are angry, they forgive.” [al-Shooraa 42:47]
(9) Listening to reminders:
Anger is a part of human nature, and people vary in their anger. It may be difficult for a man not to get angry, but sincere people will remember Allah when they are reminded, and they will not overstep the mark. Some examples follow:
Ibn ‘Abbaas (may Allah be pleased with him) reported that a man sought permission to speak to ‘Umar ibn al-Khattaab (may Allah be pleased with him), then he said: “O son of al-Khattaab, you are not giving us much and you are not judging fairly between us.” ‘Umar (may Allah be pleased with him) was so angry that he was about to attack the man, but al-Hurr ibn Qays, who was one of those present, said: “O Ameer al-Mu’mineen, Allah said to His Prophet (saws) (interpretation of the meaning): ‘Show forgiveness, enjoin what is good, and turn away from the foolish’ [al-A‘raaf 7:199]. This man is one of the foolish.” By Allah, ‘Umar could go no further after al-Hurr had recited this aayah to him, and he was a man who was careful to adhere to the Book of Allah.(Reported by al-Bukhari, al-Fath, 4/304).
This is how the Muslim should be. The evil munaafiq (hypocrite) was not like this when he was told the hadeeth of the Prophet (saws) and one of the Companions said to him, “Seek refuge with Allah from the Shaytan.” He said to the one who reminded him, “Do you think I am crazy? Go away!”(Reported by al-Bukhari, al-Fath, 1/465). We seek refuge with Allah from failure.
(10) Knowing the bad effects of anger:
The negative effects of anger are many; in short they cause damage to one’s own self and to others. The angry person may utter words of slander and obscenity, he may attack others (physically) in an uncontrolled manner, even to the point of killing. The following story contains a valuable lesson:
‘Ilqimah ibn Waa’il reported that his father (may Allah be pleased with him) told him: “I was sitting with the Prophet (saws) when a man came to him leading another man by a rope. He said, ‘O Messenger of Allah, this man killed my brother.’ The Messenger of Allah (saws) asked him, ‘Did you kill him?’ He said, ‘Yes, I killed him.’ He asked, ‘How did you kill him?’ He said, ‘He and I were hitting a tree to make the leaves fall, for animal feed, and he slandered me, so I struck him on the side of the head with an axe, and killed him.’ …” (Reported by Muslim, 1307, edited by al-Baaqi).
Anger could lead to less than killing, such as wounding and breaking bones. If the one who caused the anger runs away, the angry person turns his anger in on himself, so he may tear his clothes, or strike his cheeks, or have a fit, or fall unconscious, or he may break dishes and plates, or break furniture.
In the worst cases, anger results in social disasters and the breaking of family ties, i.e., divorce. Ask many of those who divorced their wives, and they will tell you: it was in a moment of anger. This divorce results in misery for the children, regret and frustration, a hard and difficult life, all as a result of anger. If they had remembered Allah, come to their senses, restrained their anger and sought refuge with Allah, none of this would have happened. Going against the Shariah only results in loss.
The damage to health that results from anger can only be described by doctors, such as thrombosis, high blood pressure, tachycardia (abnormally rapid heartbeat) and hyperventilation (rapid, shallow breathing), which can lead to fatal heart attacks, diabetes, etc. We ask Allah for good health.
(11) The angry person should think about himself during moments of anger:
If the angry person could see himself in the mirror when he is angry, he would hate himself and the way he looks. If he could see the way he changes, and the way his body and limbs shake, how his eyes glare and how out of control and crazy his behaviour is, he would despise himself and be revolted by his own appearance. It is well-known that inner ugliness is even worse than outer ugliness; how happy the Shaytan must be when a person is in this state! We seek refuge with Allah from the Shaytan and from failure.
(12) Du‘aa’:
Du’a’ is always the weapon of the believer, whereby he asks Allah to protect him from evil, trouble and bad behaviour and seeks refuge with Him from falling into the pit of kufr or wrongdoing because of anger. One of the three things that can help save him is: being fair at times of contentment and of anger (Saheeh al-Jaami‘, 3039). One of the du‘aa’s of the Prophet (saws) was:
“O Allah, by Your knowledge of the Unseen and Your power over Your creation, keep me alive for as long as You know life is good for me, and cause me to die when You know death is good for me. O Allah, I ask You to make me fear You in secret and in public, and I ask You to make me speak the truth in times of contentment and of anger. I ask You not to let me be extravagant in poverty or in prosperity. I ask You for continuous blessings, and for contentment that does not end. I ask You to let me accept Your decree, and for a good life after death. I ask You for the joy of seeing Your face and for the longing to meet You, without going through diseases and misguiding fitnah (trials). O Allah, adorn us with the adornment of faith and make us among those who are guided. Praise be to Allah, the Lord of the Worlds.”